Maybe I wasn't clear. I do know how I'm supposed to use ORM. I work with hibernate and EJB3 for a few years already, and no, our system doesn't work the way I've described above :)

I described how I've been taught OO. First without using databases, and with wrong abstractions (nouns instead of relations, when the system was all about relations). I think it's the default experience, because I've seen many such examples of bad OO design.

Then we've been taught databases, but using ORMs, like it was the only possible way, because objects are required for the system to be modern. And I don't like that too, because IMHO (OO + ORM + relational DB) doesn't add any value over (procedural programming with relational DB), but adds complexity, and is less transparent.