Had my first (and only) at 35 (not sure that counts as "later in life"), and I'm really really struggling.

Grew up in an environment where everyone talked about kids as being some sort of magical force that brightened everything. To be fair, those around me did lament the lack of sleep, the chaos, etc but it was "always totally worth it."

I'm writing this less than 12 hours after my daughter had a 4-hour meltdown, an event that isn't rare with her. And yet "isn't abnormal," apparently.

I believe everyone in the comments (as of posting this one) has had truly wonderful/worthwhile experiences. But I also think there's a lack of conversation and representation from people who do not have positive experiences.

"Regret" is a word with a lot of baggage, especially since my daughter is only three (and a lot could improve in upcoming years), but at the very least I wish I had more exposure to people in my situation, before having a kid.

I'm sure that my kids must have had meltdowns at that sort of age ("terrible twos" are known as that for a reason) but things tend to get better and I have forgotten...

(Also, as a primary school governor for over a decade I got to see a lot of other peoples' kids, and mostly they're fine!)

Yea, this is what people have been telling me. Again, I knew that kids have meltdowns, especially around this age.

But with my daughter, they started between 6-8 months old, and have continued in cycles. She'll have 3-4 really big meltdowns (multiple hours long) per week, for about a month. Then we'll have a couple months with nothing. Rinse. Repeat.

It sucks but we can't attribute it to anything environmental, nutritional, etc so I guess it just is what it is.

Well I certainly don't envy you. Hang in there. At least talking about it probably helps.

Had twins last year, am 45, they make EVERYTHING worth it.

https://youtu.be/x2mS3uDqQL4?si=gRFn6XL9aMTg4sFA

The way to think about it is simply this: Who do you want at your funeral and what do you want them to remember you for?

:)

Two at around 40Y: has worked out well. Partly because I was/am more grown up and financially secure than I would have been earlier. It does mean that I'm back at uni while both my kids will be starting at theirs... B^>

(Edit: for full disclosure I am not a "helicopter parent" or hugely sentimental, and in Blueprint, Robert Plomin licenses benign neglect to get good outcomes!)

first at 37, second at 40. It's tough, but I love every minute of it. Wouldn't have it any other way.

You're going to have losses. You're going to have to give stuff up. You're going to have far less free time than you're used to, and less money, and more responsibility, and far more noise. It's not going to be fun. What you give up is real.

They're going to smile at you, and run to you for hugs. Don't miss that because you're looking at what you had to give up.

Especially, don't be desperately trying to keep some free time in your life, and some mental space in your head, and avoid giving them your time and attention. Giving them time and attention is where the payback for the losses comes. (It's also your job now.) Don't short-change them. If you do, you're also short-changing yourself - missing the gains by trying to minimize the losses.

This is great advice, thank you. <3 Realistic, useful and hard-won, I bet. Not that I'd know, but thanks!!! :)

I had my first at 35, second at 39 (last year).

My only "regret" was I didn't have them sooner so that I'd have more energy and drive. But, in reality, it wouldn't be the same and I'd have other regrets if so.

I never wanted kids. Why bring more people to this shit show, you know? So I just focused on my work and having a good time.

But my better half always wanted kids and we've been together for years.

One day, while on vacation, I get the news that the project I was working on remotely had been pulled and the whole team is out of a job. That's when it hit me: fuck it.

And so we did.

Financially, I'm borderline poor. Mentally, I'm beat. Physically, I'm useless. Parenting is the hardest thing (being a tourist is easy). It's the epitomy of paranoia. It's like extreme sports for the mind.

I love that story man (sorry if you're a woman! but I'm not talking about gender just an expression). And the way you write about it is fantastic.

Like there's something redemptive in reading your writing. As if it, even if everything isn't going to be alright, you make it seem like it will. I bet you're a fantastic parent. Keep it up! :)