At that point, kids start yearning to build their own identities. At least some of the time. They want to make their own friends; find their own obsessions and solve (or create) their own problems. They still check in with parents a lot. The rubber band of independence stretches and snaps, again and again.

You realize that no one is a perfect parent, because the concept of perfection collapses on itself. Part of the way that kids master independence is to be annoyed at their parents -- enough so that they walk home instead of waiting for the ride. If we're too good at parenting, the chaos and casual cruelty of the outside world becomes unbearable and they never get the hang of running their own lives.