I’ve never drank in my life and never had any issues abstaining. “No thanks,” is almost always enough and rarely do I have anyone question why or try to pressure beyond that. Even when I was in high school or college.

It seems to me people who do drink, even if only occasionally, have a harder time justifying to themselves why they shouldn’t drink when the opportunity presents itself.

I order soda water or whatever so I can participate in toasts and just be part of the group. If anyone questions me — which rarely happens because people understand that someone can have deeply private reasons — I say "I don't drink." If someone questioned me further, "I just don't drink" because my reason is not something I want to share with everyone (probably not the reason you're assuming).

My point is that it's not a big deal socially in my experience.

Same here, so I assume it depends a lot on one's entourage and we shouldn't generalize the way other commenters seem to enjoy. I have a group going out regularly for drinks and actually about third of them are teetotallers. No issue for either side to blend in, the only concession made is that we meet in a craft beer bar.

I also had the same experience, but not everyone has the same qualms about rejecting other's invitations. I know for a fact that I was considered rude for politely rejecting drinks when I decided against drinking, possibly cultural.

True. I rejected a glass of champagne at my wedding, hahaha.

Yes - as someone with this problem, you are spot on.

That says nothing about why they have trouble abstaining.

One element of it: teasing, judgement. Sometimes you fear those reactions to your decision so you pick the easy path and avoid that type of interaction. I know it sounds silly.

And you may also fear the broader possibilities when someone asks you why you are abstaining. Lots of people do.

Does teasing and judgement happen often? I live in Vegas where being inebriated is fairly accepted but I can’t think of a time where I’ve been teased or pressured. They may be silently judging but I don’t notice or care.

I think a lot of it has to do with how you turn down a drink. I usually say, “No thanks,” or “I’m good, thanks,” and it rarely goes beyond that. When I hear people respond with, “I don’t drink,” or “I’m not drinking right now/tonight/this month,” that seems to invite discussion.

Everyone’s experiences are different though and I’m painting with a broad brush.

Valid point that how respond invites or discourages certain types of commentary.

Otherwise - to your question, very circumstantial. Unsurprisingly, the more bro-like the setting, the higher the chance. I don’t surround myself with that environment but it’s there from time to time.

I know that in certain circles that some people in positions of power, for lack of a better way of putting it, socialize around drinks. The broader problem isn't necessarily being perceived as rude or odd, it's simply being left out when these things happen "because so and so wouldn't be interested in that". Everyone involved can be well intended and it can still have ripple effects.

> I think most people have these because it lets them look like they are drinking.

This idea partially drives the demand for "Death Water" where they're not really selling water, but rather, an aesthetic.

Are you referring to the brand Liquid Death?

Yes, thank you.

It's not so much to look like you're drinking, but to participate in the same thing that everyone else is doing.

Singling yourself out in a group can be uncomfortable.

I would say the issue is also that those do drink are protective about their habits. They get quite defensive about being judged and will respond strongly to any threats they perceive against their drinking habits. This is characteristic of most addictions. It becomes a part of the personality and therefore it can be difficult to separate the action from the person.

The same would be true of those who enjoy gaming or own cryptocurrency. At its best, we're talking about a sort of tribalism. Human psychology is complex, and our relationship with alcohol isn't completely unhealthy.

The same can be said about vegans and anti-alcoholic, so what should we say about those? Maybe that people react negatively when being condescendingly criticized?