It's been a while since I took an econ class, but aren't all currencies, by definition, assets / stores of value?

Edit: Oh, you mean they're only assets but don't meet other criteria to be currencies?

Before eCommerce took off the internet was almost exclusively used for scams and arguably that is still the case even if not exclusively it's still a big part, so we should declare the internet a scam I suppose.

Disclaimer: I am not even heavily invested (in any sense). It's just a means to pay for stuff for me.

Yes and no. Modern currencies separate the medium of exchange and unit of account functions, on one hand, from the store of value and standard of deferred payment functions, on the other hand. Paper and deposit dollars are the former, Treasuries are the latter. Someone complaining about inflation eroding their cash under a mattress's value is literally using it wrong.