Re:1919 Cartoon Depicting the Use of a ‘Pocket Telephone’
by eszed on Tuesday August 22, 2023 @11:41PM
(#37231591)
That's helpful. My father was an academic, so his way of showing respect (as he thought it) was to approach every statement with skepticism, and subject every utterance to inquiry. He "treated us like adults", which I appreciate, but I'm not sure that's a great way to treat adults, either! (At least, not outside actual academic discourse.)
A sibling reply said something about assuming the content of someone else's statement, and thereby missing what they're actually saying. I know I do that, too. That's a hard one for me to break, because often - in an area that I know something about, at least - I can anticipate the question, so 90% (or something) of the time there's no immediate negative feedback. Wait... No negative informational feedback: there's probably a negative interpersonal reaction, to which I'm not properly attuned. Right.
That's worth thinking about. Thank you! I really appreciate your response.
the best i can think of is that those that do it learned it from their parents. if parents don't take us seriously and treat everything we say or do with skepticism, and yell at us for things we didn't believe we did then we grow up with the attitude that anything someone says is to criticize and our first reaction is to defend ourselves. meaning it doesn't come to our mind at first that the person talking to us could be saying something we would agree with.
it takes some time and patience to develop the trust that not everyone is against us, especially not the partner we love.