why if its cost you so much? Are you seeking treatment or is treatment something you even want? This is not an attack, genuinely interested.

Because I don't care. I'm burnt out. I have lost motivation. I used to care but I let my bipolar disorder get the best of me and there were consequences. I fell off the wagon and it stuck. I started smoking a lot in the pandemic and it compounded.

I work a dead end job now. It pays a fraction of google and is nowhere near the prestige of SpaceX. I don't care at this point.

Sorry you reached that point. You are clearly a smart person to have landed those jobs in the first place. I hope that everything works out for you, really do

Personally I care more about continuing to use marijuana than continuing to work. I've made enough money that I don't really need to work at least for the next decade and don't have anyone depending on me being responsible so the motivation to quit isn't really there.

I would guess marijuana only makes me about 10% worse at my job so it's not like I'm being fired like the other guy.