Just sit on the couch near the middle of the store and send her a text. O(1)

That depends on the other person's search pattern. I did the same and got O(n^2). :(

Now I just use the hotdogs as the meeting point.

I see what you did there ;)

I don't think there's a clever joke there.

The place you buy hotdogs is always, meticulously, placed after checkout.

It may well be where they planned lost husbands to congregate.