Do they though? I mean if it's there sure people will mess with it but I don't recall any public outcry for either center dash ADHD factories or keyless anything.

In my experience, people like the following remote features:

* Where's my car? Press the button, get a honk.

* Lock the doors. If they're powered, close themi first.

* Unlock the doors. If they're powered, open them afterward.

* Warm up the car, it's cold outside.

* Cool down the car, it's hot outside.

So that's five buttons on a remote, maximum. None of them require connection to infotainment systems.

If I didn't care about discoverability, I could reasonably reduce that to:

* Lock button. Hold it down to get a honk.

* Unlock button. Hold it to get the car started; if the interior temperature of the cabin is outside a set range, warm or cool it appropriately.

Make one button big and round and smooth and bright, and the other one big and square and textured and dark.

That's easy enough for the salesman to tell the customer when they're looking at the car. Still need a button to open the trunk tho.

I do, yes. It'd also be nice to know things like state of charge/how much gas I got, whats the car temperature now - tell me when it reaches X, look at my car's cameras. There are plenty of compelling use-cases.

There was a time when vehicles had dedicated gauges for vital info like operating temp, oil pressure, rpms, etc. so it's not like solutions don't already exist that don't involve a fucking tablet in the middle of the dash. Backup cameras I'll give you though.

I can't be the only one who actively doesn't want any of that. Surely there's a market for those who just want a car, not a smartphone on wheels.

There aren't many of us left but you aren't alone.