Kids are cruel and if they have a mind to it will make fun of literally anything. I was a social outcast in school, where favorite jokes of the other kids were that I was overweight, that I was inept at sports, that I wore glasses, that my shirts had collars, that my only shoes were cleats, that my socks were black instead of white, that I wore briefs instead of boxers.

Funnily enough, though I grew up in the ’90s–’00s with parents who disliked TV and popular movies and heavily restricted media consumption in the household, nobody at school ever made fun of the fact that I’d never seen Friends or The Matrix. Later when I was in college I often saw people who’d grown up with access to popular media saying they’d feel socially deprived if they didn’t watch the latest new show. Personally I didn’t feel deprived, either at the time or in retrospect, even though today I greatly enjoy catching up on movies I never watched. I think there’s something to the idea that some restriction, particularly in childhood, can be healthy.

Wouldn’t you agree that suffering as a child has effects on your adult life? I’m absolutely convinced that some restrictions are good, and not blindly following what the cool kids are doing too. But some people here seem to be blissfully unaware of the consequences harassment has on children.

My point is that if bullies weren’t making life hell for kids without smartphones, they’d be making kids’ life hell for some other irrelevant reason. I see no reason to believe that the bullying situation will be made worse by removing phones from the equation.

If I had a time machine, maybe I’d give my seventh‐grade self white socks and boxer shorts and see if that made any difference.

I believe your example lacks something important, the isolation will go way deeper than just media, maybe you won't develop the same cultural marks, maybe your humor will be significantly different, maybe you won't get to participate in the 3AM shit talking where the group strengthened bonds, maybe people won't know how to give you directions to places (Because they're reliant in maps to get to a general zone), maybe you won't get to participate in online events like gaming sessions or esports

This might not being the kid that didn't watch popular stuff, this might be making a kid alien to an enviroment they will have to deal with for the rest of their life; They might adapt well, or maybe they'll develop a "mark", an "accent" of sorts, which distinguishes them from the rest of the group

I agree that restriction or adversity might be healthy, but paraphrasing House "Then why stop there? Poke a stick in her eye, imagine how healthy they'll be then"

If you're getting bullied for that you'd be getting bullied anyway. Bullies don't find a reason like that then bully you. They get the impulse to bully you then find the reasons to attack you.

No, they have the impulse to bully someone and then go find someone to pick on. Much of what teens do is about desperately trying to avoid being the obvious target.

I'm the 90s kids kept in touch with MSM messenger, AOL I'm, irc and voice telephone calls from land lines.

Somehow they are nowhere nearly as mentally screwed up as their own children

“Show me.”

Path A: you’re shown the meme; “lmfao, nice” — now you’ve broken ice or strengthened a bond

Path B: “nah” — “whatever”

——

Don’t send your kids to a run of the mill public school — which is infested with children of asshats, jackasses, and assholes. Don’t live in in that sort of community. If you can help it, these will be some of the biggest factors in how your kid turns out.

I’ve been to a lot of schools. Kids from parents that just don’t give a shit will turn out like them: vampires, parasites, and people that generally drag others down for their own benefit (unless they’re lucky and get out).

Mean kids come from mean families. Usually people are mean because they don’t have the resources to fill whatever hole they have in them — and have to use maladaptions to get their fix. I.e. money problems and never taught the skills or given the resources to ease them.

I.e. send your kid to a private school that is recommended by people you trust. Just like you would a dentist, or a mechanic, and so on.

Easier said than done, but not an unsolvable problem.

> Don’t send your kids to a run of the mill public school — which is infested with children of asshats, jackasses, and assholes.

This is so obvious to me(from reading, observation and my own experience in public school) that I don't understand why smart, educated people don't realize this.

No way I'm going to send my kids to the cesspool that is public school if I can help it. People can call me and my family privileged all they want. What should I do, downgrade my child's education and life because it's not fair I have the resources others don't?

There are lots and lots of different social groups.

There are mean kids, and kind kids, and good schools and bad schools. There's a variety of experience here to take into account.

There are good families and bad families.

There are... variables. Yes, being a social outcast is hard. I would argue that being a social outcast involves _a lot more_ than not having access to the latest memes. That's where the misunderstanding lies.

It’s not just the latest memes, that was merely an example. Just consider that huge parts of the social life of children and teenagers happens on social media platforms now. Take that away, and you made it a lot harder for your child to be accepted by their peers.

No matter the other variables, that is a pretty common theme for teens nowadays, no matter the community they live in or school they go to.

My solution is to find a community for our family that share the same values, one of them being no smartphones for children. Another one is being nice to others regardless of what they look like and what they have or don't have. These communities are rare, but exist.

The whole point of this agreement is that nobody in the kid's social group would have phones. That's what makes this a good thing. It definitely would be a bad thing if only one family did this.