I joined a rugby team that is open to everyone but highlights lgbt inclusivity in sport. We practice twice a week, have games, and have other events. I've made so many good friends from the team it's hard to keep up with them all.

Staying fit with them is an added bonus.

Some people get turned off by the behavior of certain fans of UFC but in my experience the groups of people who are starting fights in pubs and people who are actually showing up to intense physical training on a regular basis are mutually exclusive.

All I know about it is that people make fun of it. And they do weird pull-ups that I don't want to do. But I am attracted to the community aspect because I've also heard about that.

That’s how it worked for my sister at least.

Like most things, "dont knock it till you have tried it". You never have to do something you are either uncomfortable doing or are unable to do; and there always progressions for movements that might be difficult for you. For example, many overhead movements are difficult for me but the coaches will always work with you to find something you can do that will still be challenging and achieve the goal of the workout.

I think that - unlike many gyms and other fitness communities - it's very welcoming to non-conformistist and people who don't look like typical gym junkies.

It's hard to have an ego when just about everyone gets outclimbed by 12yo girls, and the best climber in the world looks like someone who got fired from a big tech company because he looked too geeky: http://www.alpinist.com/doc/web16f/newswire-ondra-dawn-wall (and I love that even he failed to replicate Lynn Hill's "free climb The Nose in 24 hours" - apparently even Ondra needs to practice Changing Corners).

Also, bouldering in particular is such an intellectual pursuit. It's problem solving under physical pressure, and forces you to think hard about the geometry of your body and how weight works etc.

In my experience you see this quite a bit in BJJ as well. I wouldn't say it's nearly as diverse as climbing, but it's definitely not all young athletic men. My son's classes were about 4:1 boys vs girls, and the adult classes had fewer women. But I got to experience being choked out by a 70 year old man and a 16 year old wizard on the mats. There were all sorts of fitness ranges, but typically those improved rather quickly for the folks who stuck with it. We only had a couple guys who I'd put in the religiously works out strength category. Those guys are legit scary when you know they have the same skills as the skinny 70 year old who just put you through your paces and can also just physically twist you into a pretzel on top of it just through raw strength. All were super friendly and inviting to new folks though.

You know, people say this a lot about "typical" weight lifting focused gyms, but I've found nothing but the opposite. There are certainly some people who are in there that are judgy (the are everywhere) but the vast majority are either there to do their workouts and leave, or are very friendly. And I've done most of my training in gyms in Manhattan and Paris, two places not known for friendly people.

If you go to the same gym you are already in-grouped. It is the insecurity of the new person who would think they are out-grouped.

Meatheads love new lifters. No one showed up at their first gym 230lbs and ripped. Even the biggest guy in the gym can relate to being the intimidated new lifter.

The only difference I would think between a gym with weights and a climbing gym is that the people at the climbing gym look less intimidating.

Also - weight training is also a highly technical problem-oriented discipline. You can do it for years and still not have things working the right way. The techniques are evolving as well. So - lots of problem solving and discovery.

FYI - one of my favorite sites of all time and certainly the technical view on things: exrx.net

The people who talk shit about those people are generally insecure themselves and projecting their inner monologues on them - and the thing is, all the experienced people have been there and done that. Breaking through that is hard, but so rewarding.

I certainly have no basis in painting all climbers with this brush, but this was my experience, and I found it to be pretty bizarre. Completely turned me off to making climbing a hobby of my own.

Ironically being very dismissive of people based on their looks, nice.

I didn’t find any of the gyms I was at to be very “community” oriented. I think the personal experience depends a hell of a lot on how good of a climber you are and how you look. Typical tech looking guys were universally hated in all the gyms I went to - often enough with it being verbally said out loud to make sure they knew for sure. (Even if said people were doing nothing special)

There’s some weird shit going on in the US - tbh. Nerd hate is back on the rise.

I mean, if you show up as a "[stereo]typical tech-looking guy" anywhere in America you'll get some disdain, in the same way that looking like a wall street guy would have gotten you disdain in 2008 +/- 10 years.

Maybe... don't flaunt the fact that you work in tech? It's a space that values humility, and tech is (stereotypically) anti-correlated with humility. I've never really felt uncomfortable for it, speaking personally.

As to the friendship discussion, it's kind of on your charisma and the other person's acceptance of it to move the conversation from bouldering to life in general, but it's a nice open window that I see swinging in the wind every time I go! Just don't wear headphones, and keep yourself approachable and supportive.

I never brought it up nor do I wear FAANG apparel or anything that would indicate such. It would be brought up in conversations among other people that you'd hear. People were always bitching about people in tech going to climbing gyms.

I went to Vital in Brooklyn mostly. I did metrorock in Brooklyn as well. Considered some others but that's where friends wanted me to go.

> As to the friendship discussion, it's kind of on your charisma and the other person's acceptance of it to move the conversation from bouldering to life in general, but it's a nice open window that I see swinging in the wind every time I go! Just don't wear headphones, and keep yourself approachable and supportive.

This comes back to the "how you look" part of my post. People who are good looking tend to have no real issues in this part of life. Become part of the ugly group - you'll find this hurdle much larger. Especially in large places like SF and NYC. Looking like a nerd is much more about your physiognomy, frame, etc. It has very little to do with what you wear.

Metrorock Brooklyn is in a neighborhood that used to be working class, then was basically an art colony, and is now being converted into high-income housing (it’s been poster child region for gentrification in the last decade). So the resentment of “the other” and fear of change is in the water there, to some extent. Any anti-tech or anti-nerd sentiment is people bringing their outside-the-gym anxieties into the gym, I don’t think it’s representative of climbing generally.

That being said, NYC is one big mixing pot of gentrification. You’d probably have to go to Cliffs Valhalla or something to not hear it as a topic of conversation at all.

Re “how you look”, yeah it’s a truth. To be fair, being in shape and happy are two things that are strongly correlated with frequent climbing, and they help your appearance to others in equal measure. People who are good looking do have issues here when they’re in a bout of depression or anxiety —- nobody wants to talk to the sad or angry person. But you’re right, we’re wired to find symmetric and skinny people approachable, and that’s to our detriment. Vital especially is probably not the first gym I’d go to, if I were feeling self-conscious of appearances.

There’s also a weekly Saturday meetup for people who explicitly want to be social. https://www.reddit.com/r/nycmeetups/comments/13qpv7e/0527_1p...

By "strange", I meant that it's not a "typical"/"traditional" climbing gym – in that it's explicitly aimed at the top of market with their pricing, network, and amenities. Although, to be fair, it's a literally-dying breed in NYC so there isn't much to compare it to, locally.

I was saying I wouldn't necessarily feel comfortable there if I were self-conscious of appearances, because it's a relatively affluent milieu and setting. I do personally feel comfortable there myself, was just trying to empathize.

Happy to see there's meetups – it's a great place for that sort of thing.

I don’t think it’s fair to judge a community based on its vocal negative elements. As you see other people in this thread commenting, many of whom presumably work in tech, they haven’t had any issues with it.

I think many people generally have issues with tech companies, and some subset of that group boil it down to people and act accordingly. Some of them climb and bring it to the gym. Climbing culture has counterculture roots, which is more correlated with the view, but climbing is a pretty mainstream sport at this point.

I read a lot of the responses here and couldn't see myself making friends in those sorts of situations (and have indeed been in some of them, without results), just because I'm not that particular kind of social to make it work.

That being said, I think there's something about the community at this particular gym that is special. I climbed for years at gyms in Chicago and never had anything close to the level of community I found in a couple months down here. I'm sure my attitude / situation had something to do with it, as I went in this time with the intention to make friends and had a lot of free time to be able to spend at the gym; but the gym / community makes a huge difference. Look for smaller / community focused gyms if you can or try out a few different gyms to see if you click with any particular group of people. Try to go to events the gyms put on and be a familiar face.

Agreed; my outside work community IS my martial arts community. There are the brief moments while waiting that you end up chatting with your partners. Eventually you learn what they do, if they have kids, etc. and since you see them weekly you often times get to share their experiences. When I was in college, it was pretty regular to ask the other people what they were up to that weekend. Next thing you know, you're grabbing food, going out for beers, seeing Marvel movies (personal experience there), or other things.

The shared misery scares people away, but you end up becoming invested in your partners' progress as well. When new students join you also get to serve as a peer mentor because just 6 months ago YOU were in their shoes.

As a counter argument I recently heard, some people dislike the hierarchal structure of martial arts. I can understand, but at least from my experience I enjoy it.

In BJJ, you're typically going to be rolling with full effort. You're going to be put in a real choke hold and you're really going to go to sleep if you don't tap. We don't slam the joint locks the way you might see in a tournament setting with money on the line, but a slow and safe arm bar will work as well if you've actually got control of the limb. So for me the ranking in BJJ feels more aligned to actual ability to me than my experience with TKD did because you're getting a real test of your skills every class. The sorting feels more natural and everyone can clearly see the differences in skill play out daily.

You respect your classmates and seniors more because of your experiences rolling with them and less because it's demanded by the belt system and and built in by tradition.

I think in a real fight situation, someone who trains would be more calm to deal and, most likely, deescalate the situation because we are accustom to intense situations and our egos are tested so much that we are indifferent to silly challenges that can be fatal in some situations.

I cannot say that is true of everything else. Yoga has no community for most classes you’ll take out there. Same is true of Pilates. A lot of other fitness classes you’d take that are maybe doing HIIT or whatever - it’s gonna be the same show-up and immediately leave type of crowd.

CrossFit and some other fitness activities are very intentional about having a community and making one if it doesn’t exist. That’s why CrossFit was often referred to as a cult. It’s got a large community vibe.

It's been scientifically proven that this is the way to create strong bonds with people. It's why we are easier to get close with former classmates and co-workers.

My fitness group is the rec basketball league that I participate.