I've seen 5-6 therapists over the past decade. I'd love to find the right one, but so far my experience is between neutral and strongly negative. My closest friends are far more empathic and life-experienced people, a few quite capable of removing themselves from a conversation for my benefit.

Yeah that's understandable, and that's a low number relatively speaking as this is a problem that really hasn't been solved. There are places like psychologytoday that provide a decent database to finding potential therapists (with good enough filters to really narrow down what you want to get into and feel safe around), but it can still be very tough. Especially when you consider how many people go so long without being diagnosed with issues like OCD as long as they are "productive" enough for nobody to care.

It's fantastic you have really great empathetic friends to help you out, sometimes you really do just need someone to listen to you.

Each one of those therapists I saw for at least 6 months, at least one for 2y. There's probably 4-5 more I saw for 2-3 sessions before abandoning.

With all this experience, I still don't know how I would filter a list of therapists except maybe remove ones that seem married to a particular method/style. Like a real relationship (that you don't pay for), it takes time to get to know eachother. And at anywhere from $100-400 (nyc.. sigh) per session, it's not free to keep trying (ignoring the emotional costs..).

And my experiences have taught me that like any regular person, therapists can be deeply wounded individuals or struggling with their own demons. Maybe they've conquered them, maybe they're hiding behind a facade of being able to 'help' others. It's messy. I think there's something weird/wrong about our current zeitgeist putting therapists on a pedestal or that everyone should go to one. They aren't doctors, and you aren't necessarily sick.

I find therapists are fantastic outlets to vent to, without having to worry about being judged or putting too much on the other person. But my experience is similar with therapists who feel they need to help people, or are trying to "make up for" their own issues. It's hard to take advice from someone who seems as messed up as you do.

From reports of therapists themselves - a huge part of their value is essentially a friend for hire - human contact with someone that will take the time to listen to you and take an interest. Lots of people don't have that but you sound like you do.

IMHO things like CBT and ACT can be self-studied successfully from books. Writing can achieve much of the effect of talking therapy - both expressing difficult thoughts and obtaining objectivity. Maybe not for everyone but I think nerdy autodidacts can cover a huge amount of ground without paying a professional. Such individuals might also be in need of supportive human contact though!