With all this experience, I still don't know how I would filter a list of therapists except maybe remove ones that seem married to a particular method/style. Like a real relationship (that you don't pay for), it takes time to get to know eachother. And at anywhere from $100-400 (nyc.. sigh) per session, it's not free to keep trying (ignoring the emotional costs..).
And my experiences have taught me that like any regular person, therapists can be deeply wounded individuals or struggling with their own demons. Maybe they've conquered them, maybe they're hiding behind a facade of being able to 'help' others. It's messy. I think there's something weird/wrong about our current zeitgeist putting therapists on a pedestal or that everyone should go to one. They aren't doctors, and you aren't necessarily sick.
It's fantastic you have really great empathetic friends to help you out, sometimes you really do just need someone to listen to you.