I don’t mean to justify or suggest being unkind as a default. In fact, I’ll take the opportunity to say to the person reading this (yes, you): endeavor to be as kind as possible as often as possible.

Instead, I recognize that some people cannot be kindly (again, from their perspective) criticized. There is no, “That was disrespectful,” which is taken at face value. When this person hears such a phrase being directed at them, they hear someone being unkind to them.

I agree that's a useful reminder to consider when providing feedback.

I think the point is that no matter how kind you are to those people they'll find a reason to take offense anyway.

In which case there's no reason to be unkind, either!

If you can communicate the truth with kindness and be heard, great. If not, move on.

In my experience, unkindness isn't any more effective than kindness in effecting change; it usually prompts defensiveness.

Sure, I'd go one step further too. If you've been kind and the person took offense anyway... don't just move on, avoid self-flagellation as well.

Some people only receive straightforward truth that shouts in their face. Otherwise they find a hundred of excuses to slip through any kind argument. I agree that brutality should not be default - it’s simply statistically non-beneficial to your self. But avoiding it at all costs make you and/or your circle pay these costs eventually.

One of the human types may be called “emotional extremist”. They push borders until someone explodes in their face, and this is the feedback they use. Not reality or arguments. Cold controlled unkindness that presses them against the wall is much better in this case because otherwise someone will be driven crazy by them.