An oblivious asshole pushing through a crowd may have roughly the same effect as an aggressive guy pushing people around, but to handle it in the same way will be met with bewilderment. "I'm just trying to get to this song." As someone who has used my size many a time to protect friends in a crowd, I gotta see whos drunk that I just need to be a wall to, and whos looking for a fight.
The notion that racism and sexism are based on intent doesnt mean they dont exist in unintentional, structural forms, just that if you want to stop unintentional racism and sexism you can't do it in the same way as you go about fighting the klan.
When you cross from real aggression to microaggression, it means that the the intent is the primary source of offense. Shoving to the front of a line is not a microagression. It is not all in your head and not just the intent.
If someone smiles at you and you think they are condescending, that is a microaggression. you may be right or you may be wrong, but the intent is what bothers you, not the smile.
It's possible for people to use that intentionally: to deliberately cause offense in a way that they know they can't be called out on. But that wouldn't be significant if it weren't part of a larger pattern where the effect is greater than the sum of the individual events.
Many of those are unintentional, though they might recognize the problem if called out on it. As an example: asking a woman to get coffee for a meeting. In itself, it might be that today you happened to choose a woman; tomorrow it might be a man. She cannot prove that it's sexism without establishing a pattern, which would be an enormous and absurd burden to put on her.
It's even possible that the boss genuinely did choose her at random, but it still echoes with past explicit misogyny and chauvinism in a way that harms her but she can't usefully fight back against it without seeming to blow things out of proportion.
What are we to do with your example of the "good boss" who randomly selects a women to have coffee? Never have coffee with women, or all employees because only doing so with men could also be taken as harmful behavior?
At some point, trying to police every behavior on a probabilistic basis has more collateral damage than it is worth. At some point the problem can no longer be productively addressed by punishing behaviors and we have to use other mechanisms for harm reduction.
He could ask somebody to get coffee without intending to bring up a whole history of chauvinism that you weren't even aware of, but it's also kinda his fault for not thinking it through.
That's just to clarify what I said above, not really a reply to any of the points you bring up. You're right that in the end this is inherently fuzzy. But I do think it's useful for everybody to say "I'm going to do more than just the bare justifiable minimum, because there are real issues out there, deliberate and otherwise."
That's not an injunction; it couldn't be. But it's something to think about, and the people who say "I'm not going to think about it because it's not my problem" are almost certainly the problem.
Back in my day violence used to mean you caused people physical harm, now it means any sort of distress experienced by another person, for which they hold your responsible.
If I know a person was an oblivious asshole moving around in a concert, then I would not describe them as acting aggressive. I would describe them as acting inconsiderate. From a physiological/medical perspective, aggression is associated with fear, anger, stress, and dominance. Inconsideration is the lack of empathy, lack of understanding social norms and etiquette, and lack of higher thought processes. It is only if we remove intent that we can confuse the two concepts.
As to unintentional racism/sexism, it’s impossible to treat thousands of different groups equally with every action. The layout of entrances to a shopping mall is going to disadvantage some group because of where people live. Calling that racism or sexism devalues the meaning of the term into irrelevance. So no, there’s still actual racism and that’s what the term is referring to.
"Haidt and Lukianoff claim, “If you bump into someone by accident and never meant them any harm, it is not an act of aggression, although the other person may misperceive it as one.”(40) That’s obviously wrong. Consider this example: a guy at a concert physically pushes his way through the crowd to get to the front. Is he being aggressive when he bumps into people? The answer should be easy: Yes. But Haidt and Lukianoff argue that the answer is subjective based on the emotions of the guy. If he intended to be aggressive, then it’s aggressive. But if he’s an oblivious asshole, then it’s not aggressive. And this same standard could apply to other topics. If a man harasses someone, then it can’t be harassment unless it was intended to be harassing. Their subjective “intent” standard relies on the emotions of the offender (“intent”) to be the sole determinant of what has happened. The notion that there is no such thing as unintentional racism or sexism strikes me as shockingly ignorant."