>i suggest thinking about the why behind the why. why did you get into programming? for me my why behind the why is "i like to make things"

thanks, this is a good clue

>btw: after 12 years doing software, much magic is also gone. I understand that the magic goes away as you get disenchanted and gather an expertise around a skill. I think I may have put a bad title as it is not that I wanna recover that magic as much as transition into a state where I get things done without hating my guts. I am stuck hating software engineering maybe as a combination of my studies, the pandemic and plowing through 4 years non stop of sacrifices.

I just wanted to see how people in my situation got away from it, maybe not to absolutely loving software again but transitioning into a healthy relationship to it