Re:Ask HN: Burnt out from big tech. What's next?
by GrigoriyMikh on Thursday February 09, 2023 @12:37PM
(#34727780)
I have a horrible burnout. It feels like i'm dying.
It started last year, December 2021. It's probably less have to do with work, than with the general dissatisfaction about my life. So, in December 2021 i got my first panic attack and ended up in ER. Got sick leave for a week. Then returned to work.
I already started to feel better during sick leave. I just should have use my vacation, to rest a month or more after that. But i didn't. So, over the next few months, my symptoms started to get worse and i decided to return to my home country(Russia). Went there in early February 2022(still working remotely for my company). Started to look for a job. Felt great, surrounded by relatives and without a discomforts that i experienced in Germany. Then war started.
I returned to Germany in March. I thought that my visit to Russia healed me. Used all my vacations, visited Copenhagen -- absolutely loved it. And then the winter came again. My anxiety went through the roof in December 2022, i started to have an everyday headaches. Again did a lot of health checks, the results lowered my stress a little bit. But still, i just can't work. Everytime i'm trying to excercise my power of will, i just fall into a living nightmare.
Now, i took a long vacation, went to Italy. I'm still stressed because i know i have to return to work. But feel myself much better. At least i'm able do to a long walks without falling on my knees, and have no pressure headache in my head that doesn't allow me to sleep.
I will have to return to Germany in a few days. One thought about it throws me into depression.
It started last year, December 2021. It's probably less have to do with work, than with the general dissatisfaction about my life. So, in December 2021 i got my first panic attack and ended up in ER. Got sick leave for a week. Then returned to work.
I already started to feel better during sick leave. I just should have use my vacation, to rest a month or more after that. But i didn't. So, over the next few months, my symptoms started to get worse and i decided to return to my home country(Russia). Went there in early February 2022(still working remotely for my company). Started to look for a job. Felt great, surrounded by relatives and without a discomforts that i experienced in Germany. Then war started.
I returned to Germany in March. I thought that my visit to Russia healed me. Used all my vacations, visited Copenhagen -- absolutely loved it. And then the winter came again. My anxiety went through the roof in December 2022, i started to have an everyday headaches. Again did a lot of health checks, the results lowered my stress a little bit. But still, i just can't work. Everytime i'm trying to excercise my power of will, i just fall into a living nightmare.
Now, i took a long vacation, went to Italy. I'm still stressed because i know i have to return to work. But feel myself much better. At least i'm able do to a long walks without falling on my knees, and have no pressure headache in my head that doesn't allow me to sleep.
I will have to return to Germany in a few days. One thought about it throws me into depression.