I'm the same way. Not to over-generalize, but in my experience that feeling is a big
1) guy thing
2) engineering-type thing
3) type-A-personality thing
and god help you if you're all three!
All three of those groups are overrepresented on HN, too, so at least you're probably in good company :D
I just learned that I need to stifle my automatic "problem-solving mode" when it comes to personal interactions, and all of my conversations got way better. Glad I was at least able to learn pretty early in my life!
Re:Just Dont
by imknewhere on Tuesday November 08, 2022 @04:48PM
(#33524763)
For real? Like if in the course of a conversation, somebody brings up that they've been struggling with depression and have a hard time getting up in the morning, you actually interpret that as a request for instructions they can follow, in order to become happy again?
I just find that a little hard to believe. If it's actually true, well, I dunno, I'm sorry for you?
I mean, that's a rather extreme example. It's hard to say how I'd react in that situation, I'd probably feel uncomfortable and mumble and try to get out of the conversation, lol.
Re:Just Dont
by Dylan16807 on Thursday November 10, 2022 @12:44AM
(#33542738)
Well, it's probably a desire for those things. The problem is that the solution doesn't exist, not that giving a valid solution would be bad.
Personally I like both. Listen first, listen completely and then offer suggestions. While some people will let you get a few lines in and then start blurting out useless suggestions without hearing the full situation.
It was definitely a learning curve realizing that most people don't feel how I do about this. Still baffles me to this day, but I've learned to put that aside and just shut up because I guess people want that.