Re:Ask HN: Are we all burned out?
by atoav on Thursday October 13, 2022 @03:11AM
(#33188128)
> I somewhat doubt that distant relationships (not necessarily romantic ones) work out well
This was not my point. We can use the Internet to find offline communities as well. I grew up on the country side and without the Internet I would have had to settle with the type of people I had in my vicinity and those people were definitly depressing me. With the web I could not only find out something else exists, I could also get to know different people and form an image of the kind of people I could imagine spending more time with. So the Internet must not be the connection, it can be the tool that brings people together in a literal, geographic sense. So instead of having it only be for communication, it can also be for discovery.
But to your original point: I also happen to live with a women that I had 4 years of (changing) long distance relationship with, we are happily together now for more than a decade¹. One of my best friends I got to know each other on a musicians forum. I first met him after having known him for 4 years. We are still besties despite him living in a different country now². Next year I am invited to the wedding of yet another person I am only in contact with online.
The Internet is not (or should not be) the end goal for your own personal community, but it can help to build and sustain relationships despite physical distances. If you are young it can help you figure out
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¹ I agree however that long distance relationships are not for everybody and it is crucial to know why you are having one. Many people e.g. have long distance relationships because they are secretly afraid of the real deal. Most have that kind of relationship out of necessity and there are few who can make it work. A long distance relationship can be a stress test for a relationship, and some relationships will not survive that test. Arguably these relationships might have fallen apart on a different occasion for a different reason just as likely tho.
² It would still be better to see him in the flesh more than once every two years or so tho, but it does not hurt the friendship one bit, we have enough shared memories for a lifetime.
This was not my point. We can use the Internet to find offline communities as well. I grew up on the country side and without the Internet I would have had to settle with the type of people I had in my vicinity and those people were definitly depressing me. With the web I could not only find out something else exists, I could also get to know different people and form an image of the kind of people I could imagine spending more time with. So the Internet must not be the connection, it can be the tool that brings people together in a literal, geographic sense. So instead of having it only be for communication, it can also be for discovery.
But to your original point: I also happen to live with a women that I had 4 years of (changing) long distance relationship with, we are happily together now for more than a decade¹. One of my best friends I got to know each other on a musicians forum. I first met him after having known him for 4 years. We are still besties despite him living in a different country now². Next year I am invited to the wedding of yet another person I am only in contact with online.
The Internet is not (or should not be) the end goal for your own personal community, but it can help to build and sustain relationships despite physical distances. If you are young it can help you figure out
-- ¹ I agree however that long distance relationships are not for everybody and it is crucial to know why you are having one. Many people e.g. have long distance relationships because they are secretly afraid of the real deal. Most have that kind of relationship out of necessity and there are few who can make it work. A long distance relationship can be a stress test for a relationship, and some relationships will not survive that test. Arguably these relationships might have fallen apart on a different occasion for a different reason just as likely tho.
² It would still be better to see him in the flesh more than once every two years or so tho, but it does not hurt the friendship one bit, we have enough shared memories for a lifetime.