Re:“How Americans edit sex out of my writing”
by fsckboy on Thursday October 06, 2022 @04:14PM
(#33113456)
I'm guessing the pot smoking got edited out? But the clunker of a line is the bit about "both of us mysteriously unaffected by vertigo". Unless it was prior established that there should be vertigo, and vertigo is a useful metaphor for illustrating other elements of the overall story/something about the protagonist, that line contributes nothing and doesn't belong, especially followed by orgasm: an orgasm which included no vertigo? In tight writing, very phrase and clause of every sentence should serve a purpose toward the overall story, and hopefully frequently more than one.
[ Parent
| on HN ]
There are no comments on this comment yet.