I have a very similar type of mental burden to what you are describing. What I have discovered is that ultimately connecting it to a sense of identity, especially in a combative context vs. normies, is a losing battle that only increases anxiety. This is still the case even if it nominally seems like a logical choice to avoid unwarranted self-esteem issues in the face of culturally enforced social norms.

At the end of the day, when it's something as trivial as a Teams ping, the onus is on us to confront the anxiety and to work on our reactions. I sympathize with the author and see myself in him but it's not a part of me that would be good to enable.

Perhaps a clearer example would be someone who is afraid of swimming. It's a good idea for them to fight back against people who needlessly mock them for it. They shouldn't feel lesser for their struggles. But if they find themselves in a body of water, the Universe will not care one iota about the life history and mental world that prevented them from learning.