> I am far too anxious and socially inept to handle that.

I was too (and still to a degree am). I once shared a rental with a female socialite. She said she accepts EVERY invitation to go out and suggested I do the same.

Getting used to being around people and being in awkward situations where you have to talk to randoms will develop calluses. It is a skill you can develop by just practice. (public speaking is another example).

I look forward to talking to you in a random party! :)

+1 to this. I had crippling social anxiety. Working with a therapist, I tried out exposure therapy - which was basically going out of your comfort zone more often. It definitely helped with my social anxiety.

For anyone in this situation and thinking nothing will help, I also had a positive experience with exposure therapy. Around 15 years ago I remember walking to get a pizza and approaching the restaurant getting pins and needles on my back, and drenching myself in sweat from anxiety.

One of my no-gos was going to weight room/area of the gym (I could tolerate cardio area) and one of the first homework activities things my therapist gave me was going to weight room and sitting for 5 mins to do some stretches. It was awful, but within a few months I slowly progressed to the point I was even confident enough to work with a personal trainer.

Slow but consistent incremental exposure to my triggers absolutely made a huge positive impact for me.

It's interesting you mention gym anxiety. I've had severe social anxiety my whole life. But the gym has been my outlet for 20 years and a great way for me to be around people in close proximity with really ZERO obligation to interact beyond gym etiquette and such ("how many sets you have left?", asking for a spot or being asked). It's a low risk social situation and helps me stay motivated to be around other people training. Get out in the world in a regular predictable way.

Due to a back injury (from pushing myself too hard, it wasn't just a shit-happens injury hencemy user name) that had me in horrible pain for the last 2 years I now get literal panic attacks in the environment I used to go to RESOLVE a panic attack. Ain't that some shit? My fear of reinjuring myself and going through the whole experience again is just too much. Even though I've learned my lesson and just desire to stay fit and functional I don't think I'll ever step foot in a traditional gym again. I like being able to sit down to make a poop in the morning without a burning ice pick shooting up my spine... I see what pro athletes talk about when a catastrophic injury and the painful and lonely recovery process robs them of the confidence to perform.

In between the pandemic and this injury the last 3 years have been very isolating. I've developed real fear of being in public from the amount of time I've been alone and physically confined. I feel like I got out of a 3 year relationship with a crazy overbearing girlfriend that no one could stand to be around and realizing how it just pushes people away.

Is getting better but doing things like progressing from a coffee to-go from a cafe, to actually sitting down for prescribed lengths of time and observing the waves of anxiety has been... interesting. You have to continually and willfully push your boundaries as you said but in safe increments the same way you increase your lifts in safe manageable increment. But it's hard to quantify how much more difficult one social setting or situation will be versus another. What's the "add 5 pounds" for exposure therapy? Haha. I'm sure it's different for every person.

I work with a therapist and it's going to be a process. Just started doing in office visits again. Social calluses indeed.

In the same way I associate discomfort and stress with progress in powerlifting (and subsequently in physical therapy) I try to tell myself that I'm not going to improve socially by putting myself only in comfortable situations.

Good luck. Looks like you've got a program that is working.

Have you read “Body by Science”? It’s a simple workout routine that works (I doubled my strength in a few months) and it is super safe. The book has all the science details for how it works.

It must be nice getting invitations to go out.

I have a lot of luck texting people "is anything fun going on this weekend?"

Obviously one needs to expand their friend network.

Sitting at home watching Netflix all evening and doom scrolling won't get you invites.

You're making a number of assumptions about me which are all hilariously wrong.

I am glad to hear :) Looking forward to it too!

Love this. Hoping you conquer your social anxiety over time though. Not just for dating but for yourself! I can understand btw - was prescribed antidepressants and antipsychotics from a young age and had to figure out how to live without them. Shit is hard.

Thank you for the kind words! Shit is hard. I am happily married so hopefully will never have to return to the dating pool :). Don't think I will ever conquer it, but I have learned to live with it and it is not bad as it once was. Ironically by accepting it and not trying to fight it, the power it has had over me has diminished. Good luck to you too and I hope you figure out whatever you are dealing with!

Surrender is so powerful. Much love to you and your family!