> You’ll be printf debugging at best, and you almost certainly won’t have access to powerful development tooling like code-completion through LSPs

Yes, you stay away from enterprise level databases, you will get what free beer gets you.

All big name databases have proper IDE tooling with ability to single step stored procedure code.

> Deployment and versioning:

Likewise, there are source control tooling for database schemas on enterprise databases.

> And sure, you may be able to activate an extension for an alternative scripting language with better syntax, but do you really want something like a Python VM running inside of your database?

No, I rather enjoy the advanced GC and JIT capabilities of JVM and CLR implementations.