https://github.com/p8952/bocker? Last commit was 7 years ago, and even then this was more of an experiment / PoC - I really don't think this was ever meant as a viable replacement. (IMHO Bash is a horrible language as well.)
I agree with your sentiment on container/cloud tooling. It doesn't need to be this complicated, the needs of the 1% are dictating the experience for the 99%. However Docker (the basic CLI interface) and Dockerfile (the format) did a lot to bring containers to the mainstream, and you can still get quite a lot out of it by just sticking to the basics. For self-hosting simple services, or even just deploying your application, on plain old VPS/box-under-the-desk, it's still just plain brilliant; at least compared to loading files into a shotgun and aiming in the general direction of /opt, /usr/local, /home/app, /etc.
But come on, how many levels of abstraction do we want to pile onto another? Namespaces, containers, Docker files, compose, swarm, k8s, helm, cloudfront, terraform, auth servers/OAuth, ad-hoc "REST" auth kludges, dynamic languages, distro- and lang package managers/ecosystems, blabla - because IT'S SO MUCH EASIER LOL. All of which are one-of-a kind snowflake solutions to self-inflicted problems on top of an O/S that is already highly portable, for good reasons. We're just kicking the can down the road, or alternatively, blow up cyclical/generational bubbles to trap freshmen and idiots. Cloud tooling seems like a zero-sum game at this point, wasting talent for three "cloud providers" to make loads of cash. The whole thing is antithetical to humanist, local-first, site autonomy principles in the name of growth for very few.