One foot out the door and don't let them close to anything that you would be upset with them breaking (they never apologize or take responsibility so just factor in how much bad they can do to you) and you'll be fine, they can even be an asset to the community and volunteer in exchange for kudos in the right circumstances.
Yes, and a relatively harmless source of narcissistic supply would seem to be in the performing arts.
All that is to say ... Do what you want in who you choose to associate with, and it's ok to not let some people get too close. But try to avoid doing so in a judgemental, stigmatizing, labelling, or aggressive way. Keep these things lightly and open room for the idea that it's more of a simple misunderstanding rather than existential conflict. And don't stress about it too much.
I never know for sure whether someone suffers from narcissistic personality disorder or other dark triad traits so I rarely label them; but I can gauge the effect of their actions on me and that's the ultimate metric that matters. Even people with good intentions may produce hurtful and counterproductive actions and be unwilling or unable to learn and grow; there's no need to label or stigmatize them but I will, as you say, choose who I associate with to better my own life. It's helpful to remember that other adults are not owed time and attention; they are responsible for finding their own support networks to meet their needs in a mutually agreeable way. Obviously in a workplace no-contact isn't possible entirely but greyrocking works there.
It's just helpful to recognize the narcissistic traits and manipulative tactics that people sometimes use and respond appropriately to the tactics by enforcing boundaries, communicating my limits, refusing to get emotionally entangled, etc. Pretty much what standard therapy teaches.
Time and attention granted to narcissists needs to be watched very closely. You're totally right that they need to be approached with empathy, and you don't need to completely ignore them or treat them as pariahs. However it's OK to disengage with them when you're being exploited for their self-validation.
Unfortunately, I've really recently come to the realization that a longtime friend of mine has narcissistic traits, I didn't really realize it until another mutual friend started to get frustrated in the same way that I had been from time to time. Then I realized that my intuition was right, and how much the friendship had turned toxic because of how much it caused me to doubt myself, in service of their ego.
Since I had been giving them so much time and attention while trying to be a good friend, I realized that they were making me doubt myself so they never had to reflect on themselves or have their way of thinking challenged. They're not a bad person and I think it comes down to insecurities, but the past couple weeks that I'm actively tuning them out when things cease to be a conversation, and rather them just talking at me with no way to get a word in edgewise (sometimes for up to an hour at a time!), telling me the exact same story they just told me yesterday, or even a few hours ago, just to hear themself talk.
Since I started creating boundaries like that I have a lot more energy and focus for myself since I realized that it had convinced me to care about propping up their self-image rather than taking care of my own needs.
Good for you.
Don't offer to help them. If they ask for help, only agree if not expecting anything in return. Or be clear about what you'll want in return. Everyone is different: they may react negatively to rejection, which is it's own problem, others may not hold a grudge
Be straightforward: call them out on their behavior, preferably privately to avoid power games. Let them know the boundaries which if crossed you'll disengage from them over
People wont change. Some never grow up. Some never get past baby stage.
Its up to you to accept how they are, or step aside and forge your own path
I would probably go farther and say that generally we should probably apply some of this type of logic to all the relationships in our lives - expectations should always be realistically tailored to the individual within reason.
I question the cost benefit analysis of such a course of action however.
Given two otherwise identical people, one narcissist and one not, which one would you pick for an interaction?
Which one would you pick in a job interview?
Which one would you pick to date?
And that's the gist of it, if I don't have to, why would I ever interact with a narcissist again?
To take a page from their book -- What's in it for me?
> To take a page from their book -- What's in it for me?
Not taking a page from their book (or being perceived to by others) is a pretty good reason actually... dividing people into categories based on initial pop-psychology analysis you've conducted of their visible traits to figure out whether they are deserving of further interactions with you is a pretty narcissistic trait itself. As is discounting all scenarios where anyone other than you has the power to act: a lot most people's regular interactions in life are with people others have chosen, and sometimes they actually have ability to help or even [independently of assumptions about their personality] actually deserve it themselves
People can be vain, volatile driven entirely by compliments and human beings... human beings that are helpful or funny even... sometimes more so because of their pathological need to impress. And even they're just boring boastful bullshitters with a sideline in snide remarks, if they're your friends friends and you're trying to exclude them, you're the one whose behaviour is going to be seen as more self-centred and toxic to the group.
Doesn't mean you have to date them, or trust them, and perfectly reasonable to avoid people whose extreme behaviour is dragging others down with them altogether (but lots of narcissists don't go that far, and lots of extremely destructive behaviour isn't narcissism). But there's plenty of value to learning to peacefully coexist with narcissists, unless you want to be the one perceieved as playing power games and dragging others down.
First, realize you're not so much better. Don't expect too much.
Next, don't insult them. Be aware of power games; don't get confused. Be straightforward.
Generally avoid putting yourself in a situation where you need something from them. If they offer a favor, accept it (if you want) and say "thank you".
Finally, don't try to fix them. Be simple. Offer them your time, and not much else.
You'd be surprised at how many narcissists are relieved and happy to meet someone who behaves in this way.