Sure, but that ignores the elephant in the room: if not de-escalation then what?

Then defense.

I don't see sanctions, insulation, and supporting Ukraine as military offense. It makes the Russian offensive much more costly though.

Defense doesn't work as a goal.

Lack of de-escalation is likely to mean further escalation. You can step into defense as you escalate a conflict, but you can't remain in defense forever as a conflict with a nuclear power heats up.

The elephant in the room is not escalation in itself, it's what comes at the end of the road.

If there are currently no attempts at de-escalation, and no one in the West wants to acknowledge that this leads to a nuclear conflict, what is the West actually hoping for?

Sure it does. Make the war cost more than its valued. It isn't a binary "things heat up or cool off". The motivations of all parties must be constantly re-evaluated.