Getting through the "clueless" problem seems nearly intractable. If you could tell people "make this small change and it will make a small improvement in your situation" there would be a clear answer, but you can't.
There's a persistent myth of "male privilege" that applies to the top 1% percent of men but not the majority of men. That's a major theoretical error that's obvious in 1st wave feminist books such as The Second Sex, The Feminine Mystique and it goes uncorrected to this day.
For someone who was bullied in elementary school, sexual invisibility in high school and college was a retraumatization that still affects me more than 30 years later. Back then I felt completely isolated, it wasn't a pain that others my age would admit to, and adults had bad advice like "be yourself" or "it will get better in the sweet by-and-by." Today young men are finding solidarity in dangerous social movements and various forms of "men are beasts" will just isolate them further.
It's a valid description of an attitude which is often quite overtly held, and is ultimately a lot more damaging to the "incel" themself than anyone they might want to interact with. Using a term as strong as "hateful" in this context seems like a thought-terminating-cliche which does little to address the problem.
> If you could tell people "make this small change and it will make a small improvement in your situation" there would be a clear answer, but you can't.
Why not? There are plenty of feasible approaches; the main problem is that there's no structured, widely-supported effort to collectively raise awareness about their potential benefits. The education system has a valid role to play here.
You could call that a "bad social trend", but it's also a symptom of how clueless and self-entitled many males are. The fact that this might be due to a lack of good role models doesn't dispense with the need to address this issue. Doing so will hopefully let these folks integrate the understanding that "of course rape is wrong" within their worldview without suffering from cognitive dissonance, or thinking that it's plainly impossible to successfully relate to women unless you happen to meet some unreal "Chad" stereotype.