With the psilocybin, I confess it was just shrooms eaten with a bottle of water. Not tasty. What I experienced was nothing short of profound. About an hour after swallowing four grams I started feeling giggly, and happy.
I looked at old photos of my cat that died some years back, and she started to pulse slightly and seemed to move almost in the photo, but that was the extent of the hallucinations. It's what happened next that changed everything.
I remember drinking some water and then going to lay in the bed. My brain started thinking about a very depressive episode that happened to me this year. I thought through it, specifically what it meant for my life, friendships, etc. This is something that would have left me crying in a dark bathroom in the middle of the night before, but this time, it didn't. I didn't feel the usual guilt, embarrassment, and humiliation about my past mistakes.
The best way I can describe it is this: I was walking alongside my depression, having a conversation with it, and at some point, my depression stopped and I kept walking. It was a sudden realization of "wow, that ..isn't making me depressed, or feel guilty, humiliated, etc. !"
About three hours after consuming the shrooms I came out of it and looked around my bedroom as if I was a different person; "holy crap this place is a mess!" I went downstairs and finally did the stack of dishes in the sink, put away the laundry, and spent hours just cleaning joyfully.
I was able to process considerable trauma that night, and my therapist said a few days later that I was a total 180 degrees from where I had been the week before. We've been very careful to monitor to make sure it's not just a manic episode. The positive has kept up. I've had a few down days, but that's mostly due to anxiety and relationship issues, which a little marijuana helps considerably.
Overall these past four months have been some of the best of my life. I wake up with a forward outlook. I can sleep easier, thoughts are no longer dwelling on me. I don't feel this weight on top of me, reminding me of my failures, fears, etc. Above all, I just don't feel like a sad sack all the time.
I've taken maybe two dozen medications in my life for anxiety, depression, and PTSD. Nothing can hold a candle to the immediate, calming effects of marijuana, but nothing has also come even close to the sheer relief from the shrooms.
Edit: Grammar and clarified a few things.
With all of that in mind and research indicating that you will continue to have this net benefit for up to 6 months, why try something new vs just take another trip?
Also… the dozens of meds is so demoralizing and exhausting. I hear you loud and clear on that front. Not to mention the years that go by while tweaking them… ugh.
The second trip was 6 grams, ground with orange juice. After ~20 minutes felt nausea but no happiness in this "come up" phase [0]. I tried reading Dune (again) on my phone but the characters would visually "s e p a r a t t e" and stretch out.
The peak [1] was much more sorrowful; I cried a lot. My trip sitter [2] said I vented a lot, almost vindictive in how I stripped away relationships, friendships, and people from my past that, well, I'd never gotten over. To me, it felt like I was shedding these heavy chains I'd been carrying around. I also, at long last, said "bye Felicia" to a an abusive, lontime "best friend" and walked away. Parse your contacts: How many that you never talk to, and have no interaction at all?
Marijuana was exceptional here for giving me a gentle cloud to settle on. In the words of Big Chris: "It's been emotional" [3] Since then mood has been the same as the last trip, all good.
[0]https://wayofleaf.com/psychedelics/what-is-a-mushroom-trip-l....
[1] https://wayofleaf.com/psychedelics/what-is-a-mushroom-trip-l...
[2] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trip_sitter
[3] "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels" 1:21:54
+10 For including the citations on the various terms.
+100 for taking the time to share this second experience.
FWIW, a friend of mine is a fairly frequent 'traveller' (couple times a year). Every body type is different etc, but his recommendation to me has been: 1. Set and Setting are everything, if you have any doubts it isn't a good time 2. 0.25-0.5g is a micro-dose with no real trip but some potential chill effects. ~1.5-2g is a solid recreational dose. Any more and things can get weird. 3. If things do go sideways, milk can help (no idea of the chemical efficacy of this)
Sounds like it got weird for you, glad there weren't any long term side effects.
I am curious, was your comment about trying Ketamine just a general nod or are you seriously considering it? Much of what I have read indicates psilocybin has a more long term and profound affect vs ketamine, are you still looking for further improvements?