I think you are also maybe assuming everyone has the same use-case as you for data manipulation libraries. If you are coming from a non-programming context and picking up R for the first time, no doubt tidyverse is the way to do that. The verbosity is obviously a benefit if you're having to read someone else's code and are not interested in learning a DSL just to understand what columns are being filtered on or dropped or whatever.
But if you are doing data analysis full time and are writing thousands of lines of throwaway EDA code a week, most of it only to be seen by yourself, the concision and speed that data.table offers is basically second to none, in any language. Rapid iteration for you personally is the point. Less typing is good, because you're trying to move as fast as possible to explore hypotheses. Execution speed on medium sized data is important, because a few extra seconds on every run matters a lot when you are running 500 micro-batches of analysis code a day. And as the h2o benchmarks show, data.table is still quite a bit faster than dplyr. Obviously not everyone needs the speed, but a lot of us do!
I would probably prefer data.table to dplyr in that use case as well. The creator of data.table clearly comes from that background and wrote it for those kind of workloads.
I will also admit that the latest data.table tutorials suggest a lot of improvement over time. data.table made some truly WTF decisions in its early versions and has backtracked on all of it. The join API is much more reasonable now and it supports non-equijoins, which for many people could be the decider vs dplyr just by itself.
The dplyr API has only evolved so much because Hadley set insanely high standards for how powerful and intuitive it should be. So personally I don't count it against them that they didn't get it 100% right the first time.... even though I personally have been burned a couple times by all the changes. I think it's worth it for what they have achieved.
Not that it's all roses. Tidyverse stack traces have become kind of horrible. They're dozens and dozens of layers deep and you have to be pretty experienced to sift through the noise. I'm an old hand and know how to deal with it, which is probably the way a lot of people feel about their favorite table package... even gag Pandas.
I apologize if I came across as a hardliner. Sometimes I feel like data.table is not well advertised for how capable it is, so I will defend the library if given the chance. Surprisingly how many "big data workloads" you can replace with a high memory cloud instance and a simple data.table script. Cheers to using the right tool for the right job.
I'm glad you're having success with data.table and I totally support you against the forces of evil trying to make us use Spark or whatever is the latest big data nonsense to analyze a few million rows.
It's like how we may not agree what project management tool to use but we all agree it's not JIRA :)
I may end up switching to data.table after all. I find dplyr easier to reason about for complex production pipelines that need to be precisely "correct", but all the package developers are raising the bar all the time and data.table may be OK for this use case by now. I definitely do feel the pain point of dplyr slowness here and there.
The tidyverse has the most advanced and intuitive versions of all the things you mention IMO. It has evolved a lot in the past couple years and your impressions of it could be out of date.
There is also the dtplyr backend for data.table speed with dplyr syntax, but I don't even bother because dplyr is almost always fast enough for me.