> Popularity is not linked at all with personality traits that make someone a good leader afaik.

On the contrary! Good personality traits evolved because they make for good leaders.

…which makes me depressed about being on the spectrum because it means I had to accept I could never be a “leader”.

(Well, I am a technical lead, it’s in my job-description, but that’s only because I get -Wpedantic on peoples’ code - and not because I can inspire people)

Do you have a source for this. I wouldn't say from for example actors and musicians(ultimate popularity contests) that most of them would even be remotely good leaders.

"Did you go to High School with the rampant bullying"

Do adults have judgement of pre-pubernecent 14 year olds? I mean, maybe some do, but...

High school age is generally 14 to 18. And I wouldn't be so confident adults in unchecked power are better then high schoolers on morality and decency.

So the concept of "well adjusted adult' is a myth?

I'm not entirely sure what you are expecting me to say. I didn't say every adult will be a bully. But not every teenager in high school is a bully either. The existence of "well adjusted adult" doesn't have anything to do with this. You can have "well adjusted adults" and still have rampant bullying. The point I'm making is that a traditional hierarchy tries to put the "wall adjusted adults" with good leadership skills in leadership positions. In contrast to a flat hierarchy where it's essentially just a popularity contest.

yes. More or less.

What happens is that we learn to "hide" our impulses in more social acceptable behavior.

We didn't have that many bully's when i grew up but most of them are just slightly more polished version of themselves.

But when they are drinking or emotions are high they revert back. (which is bad since 2 of them are cops now)

I am not saying that person cannot change his life and ways around. I know some that have done that. But most people (in my expirience) don't