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Re:“Cat Person” and Me by gpcr1949 on Saturday July 10, 2021 @06:17AM (#27792429)
> I made plans to rent an apartment with some girls from my econ class the following year, but they told me they’d changed their minds when they found out about my older boyfriend.

It's definitely no problem to me that people do not want to flat-share with a couple where one partner is 33 y/o and the other in, or shortly after, their "senior year of high school", which if a web search is to be believed usually means 17 year old turning 18. I'm not talking about the law re:that relationship which depending on the jurisdiction might be 100% legal, but these housemates are absolutely in their right to not want to have anything to do with that. Personally, if i was a 18-19 year old looking for a flat to share, I probably also would like to avoid regularly meeting the type of 30-year old that dates a teen, despite the fact that in the author's specific case it was apparently fine and also still fine on retrospect.

Re:“Cat Person” and Me by DoreenMichele on Saturday July 10, 2021 @07:27AM (#27792654)
flat-share with a couple

That's not what was going on. She was making separate living arrangements from him and had already moved out of her parental home and was living in a dorm and going to college.

Their choice could have helped push her into living with him as the easy answer in the face of prejudice making other choices harder for her. This could have helped make her into a victim instead of someone who once dated an older man and broke up with him and apparently had a better-than-average early relationship according to the description she has given.

Re:“Cat Person” and Me by scotty79 on Saturday July 10, 2021 @06:25AM (#27792447)
Because old people are generally gross?

As 42 year old your comment sounds to me like the one that people not wanting to rent a flat with someone that has a black partner is perfectly fine because they might not want to meet that kind of people.

Some older men are interested in younger women. And some younger women are interested in older man. Assuming that this automatically means they have character flaws worthy of ostracism is very prejudicial.

Re:“Cat Person” and Me by shinjitsu on Saturday July 10, 2021 @09:54AM (#27793366)
A 15 year age gap between a 30 year old and a 45 year old is much less than a 15 year gap between an 18 year old and a 33 year old, especially in the western college educated demographic.
Re:“Cat Person” and Me by vkou on Saturday July 10, 2021 @07:18AM (#27792617)
> Because old people are generally gross?

No, because a relationship between a teenager and someone in their 30s is seen as 'more likely than not to be exploitative'.

I've only known two people who fit that bill, and as a third-party observer, both of them seemed incredibly sleazy and manipulative. I'm sure that there are exceptions, but most people would correctly see that kind of age gap as a huge red flag.

Re:“Cat Person” and Me by scotty79 on Saturday July 10, 2021 @07:41AM (#27792699)
I'd like to see some research to back that claim that over 50% relationships with significant age gap are exploitative.

Unless by more likely that not you mean a bit more likely than average relationship between a doctor and a waitress.

EDIT:

I'm sorry. While rephrasing the claim I changed its meaning. Please disregard my comment.

Re:“Cat Person” and Me by whitehouse3 on Saturday July 10, 2021 @07:54AM (#27792752)
I think it’s simpler than that: wide age gaps in relationships are rare and thus call attention to themselves. That a culturally significant body of fiction exists to cast negative attention on them (Lolita, American Beauty e.g.) just amplifies the American sense that “this is unusual”. Prejudicial perhaps. But most people choosing where to live and with whom will optimise for familiarity and security. No one is saying we should ban age gaps. Only that they present perceived additional risk once imported from “society in general” to “my living space”.

The usual guidance to “mind your own business” doesn’t really work here because who I live with and where is entirely my business.

Re:“Cat Person” and Me by scotty79 on Saturday July 10, 2021 @07:59AM (#27792777)
Yeah but you could apply the same exclusions to black people and be rightfully named racist for that.
Re:“Cat Person” and Me by whitehouse3 on Saturday July 10, 2021 @09:07AM (#27793116)
I don’t disagree. However, the principal objection to racism is not discrimination, but rather that on the basis of immutable characteristics. No one chooses their biological skin colour. So we reject discrimination on that basis.

Age gaps are not an immutable characteristic. Nor are they culturally common in the USA. So they are fair game for discrimination just like any other exercise of free association.

Re:“Cat Person” and Me by scotty79 on Saturday July 10, 2021 @12:44PM (#27794656)
I'm not quite convinced. Acting out on your non-heterosexual orientation or dressing up as opposite biological sex is also not immutable. You may act straight, and dress accordingly to your biological sex. Dressing as opposite sex is even similarly as rare as gender gaps.

And yet discrimination against people that display those voluntary behaviors would also be strongly frowned upon.

I don't think it's due to some innate nature of gender gaps. It's pure prejudice. "We don't like people like that because we believe people like that are less moral than us."

Maybe the time will come where ageism will raise to the same status as transphobia, but currently as you notice it's far from it.

Re:“Cat Person” and Me by DoreenMichele on Saturday July 10, 2021 @07:55AM (#27792756)
because a relationship between a teenager and someone in their 30s is seen as 'more likely than not to be exploitative'.

I'd like to see some research to back that claim that over 50% relationships with significant age gap are exploitative.

These two statements are not identical.

Re:“Cat Person” and Me by scotty79 on Saturday July 10, 2021 @08:00AM (#27792782)
So what exactly more likely than not means? I'm not native English speaker.

Or are you referring to the difference "significant age gap" vs "30 year old and teenager"?

If so I conceed. Those kinds of relationships are so incredibly rare among all relationships that I have no idea about the statistics there.

Re:“Cat Person” and Me by DoreenMichele on Saturday July 10, 2021 @08:05AM (#27792803)
That's not the important difference in those statements. The difference is "someone in their 30s dating a teenager" versus "a big age gap generally."
Re:“Cat Person” and Me by vkou on Sunday July 11, 2021 @12:59AM (#27798567)
> I'd like to see some research to back that claim that over 50% relationships with significant age gap are exploitative.

I'm not claiming that, I'm claiming that it's a common belief about them.

Re:“Cat Person” and Me by orange8 on Saturday July 10, 2021 @08:38AM (#27792969)
Why is it exploitative for a 33yo male to date an 18yo female? Are they not both adults? And who is doing the exploiting?

What about a 70yo male and a 33yo female? Still exploitative?