HN has a growing problem where ADHD is suggested as the root problem on virtually every question from someone struggling with work lately. We really need to stop suggesting this diagnosis for everyone and leave it to the professionals.
I’ve seen too many friends and peers mistake burnout or depression for ADHD. There’s something about an ADHD diagnosis that’s easier to accept than depression or burnout. If someone specifically seeks an ADHD diagnosis instead of presenting the root problem and letting the professionals diagnose it, they could miss the real problem and worsen their situation.
Worst case, I’ve seen many people mistake burnout for ADHD, seek stimulant prescriptions, and then try to use increasing doses of stimulants to power through the burnout. This doesn’t work, and actually leads to much deeper and more prolonged burnout when tolerance sets in. Please don’t use stimulants to try to overcome burnout.
I said:
>For what it’s worth, you might have ADHD if you’re always quitting or being fired because of an inability to perform to your own abilities. Or you might have some other different issue.
I stand by that. Someone suggesting that to me is what finally got me help.
Has anyone here tried www.betterhelp.com ?
But that doesn't mean nobody should see a therapist. It isn't all snake oil.
A good therapist can help you identify where you need to get to for your own sake, and what skills will help you get there. They can help you realize when you're putting stumbling blocks in your own path and figure out how to stop doing that. They can help you pick out goals, point you in the right direction, and sometimes offer some help getting started on the way. The rest is up to you, of course.
You don't have to be mentally ill to benefit from a therapist's help. In fact, I think you're likely to benefit more if you're basically pretty healthy than if you're not, simply because you're more functional, and therefore better able to make use of what you learn.
That's my perspective from having seen a therapist for a while a couple of times earlier in life, from having encouraged my offspring to see them at difficult moments, from having a friend who is a licensed clinical counselor, and from having gone to graduate school in clinical psychology before I became a programmer.
Caveat emptor, of course. There are good therapists and there are charlatans. Look carefully and use common sense.
Mental health professionals are available if you or your partner would like to talk. Therapists would be a better place to start than jumping to a psychiatrist and medications. Definitely don’t try to get ADHD stimulants and power through burnout in a job she hates. That would make burnout exponentially worse.
If your partner decides to try therapy, it can even be done over video calls now. Depending on insurance the video therapy is often quite cheap, too. Of course, it’s up to you if you want to pursue that route. I agree that jumping to specific diagnoses based on a few sentences of your question is inappropriate.
Some people hate working, period. And the kind of job that's fun or engaging for you might not be available to you. For the overwhelming majority of people, their lot in life is to toil at something they'd rather not be doing. But normal people are able to put their heads down and get it done. If you can't and it's causing problems in your life, that's something you should see someone about. Finding a more enjoyable job might be part of the solution, but remember that such options are often a luxury of the elite.
Them suggesting medication is not necessarily a red flag. But if it's important to you to try other techniques first, then tell them that. If you don't want to start with the medicine route, consider seeing a psychologist instead of a psychiatrist.
Either way, you want to see someone with a conservative outlook. If they put you on medication, they should start with low doses and be obsessed about whether you are having side-effects. If they're talk therapists, you don't want some Freudian or similar bullshit. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which is just modern talk therapy that focuses on identifying your dysfunctional thought patterns and fixing them, is probably what you want on that end of things.
Don’t fret about picking the perfect doctor or trying to parse reviews of doctors on the doctor review sites. You want whoever is nearby with availability for appointments. You can always switch providers later.
It’s extremely important that you go into any appointments with an open mind. Present your problems and symptoms, but don’t go in expecting a certain diagnosis or certain medications. Steering toward the wrong diagnosis (example: seeking ADHD medications when your problem is actually burnout, depression, anxiety, or even physical health issues) can actually worsen your problems
See a psychologist and/or psychiatrist. This is something you can work through. Whatever issue you’re dealing with, there’s people who are very experienced in helping you figure out what it is and how to start dealing with it.
For what it’s worth, you might have ADHD if you’re always quitting or being fired because of an inability to perform to your own abilities. Or you might have some other different issue. But life doesn’t have to be this way. For most people, it isn’t.
Many people are scared of seeing mental health professionals because they don’t want to be put on medication. Getting better doesn’t necessarily require medication, but it might be an option. Not all ADHD meds are stimulants. Some like guanfacine, for example, will just improve your executive function and emotional stability without much in the way of side effects. But no one is gonna put you on a chemical cocktail without your consent, and you are free to say you want to try non-medication options before even considering that route.
Life doesn’t have to be so hard for an intelligent and capable person. If you work through this you can be happier, more fulfilled, less stressed. That can literally mean extra years on your life. You don’t have to suffer alone.
This comment thread is great but beware. People without a mental health issue do not understand what it’s like to have one. They can usually only think about your experiences through analogy to their own normal struggles. Most mental health symptoms, even schizophrenia, exist in some de minimis way in most people. But normal people can’t recognize that the symptoms are so different in severity in people with a disorder that normal function cannot be willed. A normal person is really bored, procrastinates for a bit, and eventually gets it together. They certainly don’t lose job after job at great personal cost to themselves. But someone with ADHD might feel something almost like pain at the prospect of working on a boring task. They might spend hours trying to work on something but just can’t make it happen. Only the intense adrenaline of a new deadline, maybe the third or fourth new deadline for the same task after blowing past previous ones, can make them finally overcome their issues and get to work. That is no way to live, and you don’t have to live like that.
Finally, if losing this job would be a serious problem for you, be very careful what you tell anyone at work. You might want to talk to an employment lawyer. As plaintiffs’ lawyers, they will almost certainly charge you nothing for just a quick consult.