Women are paying a high price in the online dating world. It’s preying on their weakness the same way porn does for men.

Most women don’t want to sleep around and have a large number of partners. But tinder leads them to believe that they can find an unrealistic partner. And they get hurt by the small percentage of men that play the online dating game well.

Women need a lot more data and time to evaluate a potential partner before initiating contact.

I think a solution would be to limit the number of matches one could have at a time. This forces the user to sacrifice something (the opportunity cost of matching with someone else) to remain in contact with their match.

Real humans don't make relationship decisions based on data analysis.

Age, income, height, weight, number of kids, attractiveness scale (1-10).

My experience with Tinder was that all the women I met turned out to be more interested in hooking up than anything else. Is there an app for people who don't even really want to sleep with each other, but would prefer to just hang out and talk? I want to use that one.

Try going to meetups, that way you know everyone there has something in common to talk about to break the ice.

Maybe women are paying the price, bit it is men on HN who complain and bitch constantly. Most women are not on tinder anyway.

That’s incorrect, online dating is the number one way couples meet

Which is not the same as "most women are on tinder".

Most women who are looking to date are on Tinder. No, your grandma isn’t on there. I’m not sure what point you’re trying to make.

I have to comment that I think women who want to date go to tinder as a very last resort and don’t expect a long term relationship there. For serious relationships we tend to go to okcupid and bumble as they are wayyy less creepy apps. At least where I live tinder is known as the one night stand app.

Date as in quick one night stand and even then claim is pushing it. It is not the first choice place of meeting guys, especially if you look for something more long term.

Anyway, the disbalance between amount of men and women there is quite large.

Thousands of matches isn’t a good thing. If you ever have the opportunity ask a female friend to show you the kind of messages they get on dating apps. They’re pretty appalling. It genuinely worries me that there are so many creeps out there. The men you know may not be getting many matches but at least the ones they get are more than likely from relatively normal people. If I had to sort through the garbage women do on dating apps I wouldn’t be on them.

But surely you can see how hopeless dating feels for many men when they swipe right on hundreds of women and get 0 matches? I'm not saying they aren't getting many — they're getting none (I know you just have my word on this, but trust me when I say they are not ugly or fat or anything, just nonwhite and without high paying jobs, but otherwise average-looking guys who have dated successfully in the past).

The situation isn't great on either side, but plenty of statistics show it's mostly women having sex off these apps, so clearly there is an actual imbalance.

And you can't write off the sheer hopelessness and isolation that the thought "there's not a single woman out there who would date me" induces in young men. I'm sure it's not fun for women but it is absolutely __brutal__ for many men.

> nonwhite

Uh, trust me, white men can easily accumulate zero matches too.

Oh certainly. Their experience is that there’s a huge racial factor in how many matches they get (e.g. having an Indian name seems to be a death sentence) — I was just reporting their experience and didn’t mean to imply anything else!

> Thousands of matches isn’t a good thing.

He didn't say it was, he said it was preferable to having no matches.

I recall seeing the OkCupid stats once (okstats?). The numbers pretty much said that although women were getting most of the messages, they were all only responding to the same 10% of males, while most men were sending messages to almost all the women.

You've pretty much got 80% of the women competing for the top 10% of the males.

That 80% number might give a false hope to readers. In fact it's 100%, but the bottom 20% give up without trying because they correctly assess their chances.

If thousands of matches are not a good thing, why keep swiping? They could choose instead to talk to the matches they already have. The matches they have are already the ones they've screened for.

It's just numbers game. If you're interested in quick sex and you can send messages to dozens on women with very little effort, you do it. If just one percent signals interest, you already have a win.

Why invest more time and energy than absolutely necessary?