"I still despise it..." - you seriously did not understand that statement? And you took it to mean his own INTERNALIZED struggle?

Did you read the whole blog post? Right after that paragraph he talks about the dichotomy between his inner emotional struggle and his explicit thoughts.

> More importantly, it helped me identify the boundary between my intellect and my emotions. Like most white people who are questioned, I am quick to say, “I don’t have problems with homosexuals, one of my best friends is a lesbian.” For me that is sincerely true. I have managed, however, to reconcile the differences of my mind and my heart to maintain what I think is and hope will continue to be a close personal friendship. Indeed, it is through the lasting nature of that friendship that my emotional core is changing. I changed my mind a long time ago.