Huh, what a coincidence — I just re-read Thud! a couple of weeks ago! An excellent illustration of my point that phonetic spelling is highly dialect-dependent.
(Oh, and don’t worry; I’m a native English speaker, and I can’t understand Pratchett’s gargoyles either.)
> “Mr Vimes," said Mrs Winkings, "ve cannot help but notice that you still haf not employed any of our members in the Vatch..."
> Say 'Watch', why don't you? Vimes thought. I know you can. Let the twenty-third letter of the alphabet enter your life.”
I am not a native English speaker, yet I decifer everyone execept gargoyles:
— e cuns uk ere um-imes an awks oo ugg