On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness

Re:On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness by dukeofdoom on Tuesday May 04, 2021 @04:37PM (#27042590)

I watched this average looking girl on youtube go to stunning. She started by caring about her appearance. And started looking to basically start upgrading her self, one step at a time.

1) She started to work out regularly

2) She got a nose job

3) Buys well fitting designer clothes

4) Spends money on hair and nails

5) Wears gold jewelry and hand bags.

All of these complement her appearance.

When some girls go to so much effort to look good. While the incel guy does nothing to improve their appearance. And often does the opposite. Terrible diet and sometimes even terrible hygenie. Yet expects to date a girl like this.

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Re:On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness by yamellasmallela on Tuesday May 04, 2021 @05:32PM (#27043154)

I agree but this is only applicable to incels who are "ugly". Some people are incels because they have no "game" and that is hard to fix.

Also, not everyone can just get a nose job and be attractive magically.

I think many people in the incel community don't understand how far showering, dressing well, and working out will get them. Its much better than complaining without any action. Also, I see many of them complaining about not dating "10s" yet never bother to look at people at their level.

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Re:On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness by Sevastopol on Tuesday May 04, 2021 @05:55PM (#27043376)

> I think many people in the incel community don't understand how far showering, dressing well, and working out will get them. Its much better than complaining without any action. Also, I see many of them complaining about not dating "10s" yet never bother to look at people at their level.

This is not really true. At least in the observable, online incel communities. Incels talk a lot about "-maxxing"[1]; looksmaxxing (improving appearance), gymmaxxing (improving physique), surgerymaxxing, moneymaxxing, therapymaxxing, ... you get the point.

The most common advice (showering, better clothes) is also a meme within the communities, like the "Just take a shower, bro" meme.

[1] https://incels.wiki/w/-maxxing

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Re:On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness by mlyle on Tuesday May 04, 2021 @05:56PM (#27043379)

At the same time... if all the incels improve their fashion, attractiveness, and dating game... it's going to be at the expense of someone else, right? Or do we think more in total will end up partnered and the total size of the pie will increase?

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Re:On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness by dukeofdoom on Tuesday May 04, 2021 @06:20PM (#27043582)

I'm not sure how to answer that. The dating game is in some ways like any other game. There's some minimum threshold of competence below which nobody wants to play with you. Ideally, you have enough skills that people will want to play with you all the time. If you conduct yourself well, they will look forward to playing with you over and over. But at the same time, I recognize that there are people beyond mastering even the basics.

But also, dating is usually many to many type of activity. Sure maybe marriage is one to one. But you can enjoy dating even if it does not result in marriage, multiple times with multiple people.

I dated a very obese, unattractive girl before. Ultimately it was her selfishness and failure to understand reciprocity in a relationship, that made me not want to see her anymore. Still was an interesting experience.

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Re:On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness by mlyle on Tuesday May 04, 2021 @07:53PM (#27044356)

On the balance I didn't really enjoy dating. There were some fun points, but there was plenty of annoyance, too. For me, stable, partnered life is a lot more enjoyable.

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