What you learned after having kids that questioned the decision of having kids?

Re:What you learned after having kids that questioned the de... by freshgreen9 on Saturday May 01, 2021 @02:41PM (#27008667)

Honestly, I learned that deep down I hate my kids, but the societal bias against such a position leads me to appear otherwise. That adds to misery though, since now I’m just not myself. Obviously it was a mistake for me. They’re all around 7 now and I’m trying to do my best, but Id rather them grown and gone.

Lastly, all the talk about more fulfilling lives etc. How would you know anyway? It’s not like you took both paths and then compared.

[ Parent | on HN ]

Re:What you learned after having kids that questioned the de... by User23 on Saturday May 01, 2021 @04:00PM (#27009302)

This and other comments really reinforce the importance of good mate selection. Your children will inherit a random mix of your traits and your mate’s. If you have children with someone who has a preponderance of traits you dislike you’re liable to have a bad time of it as a parent. On the other hand if you choose well and have a little luck besides you’ll find that your children delight you and your spouse in wonderful and surprising ways.

[ Parent | on HN ]

Re:What you learned after having kids that questioned the de... by sneezles on Saturday May 01, 2021 @02:58PM (#27008826)

It takes a lot of bravery to admit this, and you're certainly not alone in feeling that way - disliking your kids is common but a taboo subject.

It's worth asking yourself whether you /want/ to like your kids. Would your life be better if you liked them? If you don't want to like them, why not? If you do want to, how might you go about that?

I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way, but a therapist can be a really good platform for talking through and exploring things like this, which might be hard to discuss with friends/family/etc.

[ Parent | on HN ]

Re:What you learned after having kids that questioned the de... by vmception on Saturday May 01, 2021 @02:48PM (#27008739)

I see alot of male misery is invalidated by the very people that could help

Something along the lines of “a man is complaining!? hahaha look everyone, a man feels a tiny bit of oppression!”

and never addressing the complaint

[ Parent | on HN ]

Re:What you learned after having kids that questioned the de... by 4b11b4 on Sunday May 02, 2021 @02:30PM (#27017600)

Props to you for being able to communicate real feelings instead of burying down.

If somehow an internet stranger can change your perspective, I happen to find kids (actually, I view almost everyone as fundamentally) insanely intelligent and interesting. It's probably because I don't have kids that I am able to be in a less stressed position, but I find that watching kids grow is fascinating and frankly.. fucking incredible.

(for me) It's similar to learning about how insanely complex soil life is. Mind blown.

I know for a fact if I had not begun to come to terms with my own self and all of the things I don't like about myself over the past two years, I probably would be extremely critical of my kids as well. But I have learned to allow my critical-ness to manifest thoughts (as it always will) and then to let those thoughts go.

[ Parent | on HN ]