Why is the person answering here considered to be the butt and not the person setting up the trap? Generally I believe it is know that there is no good answers to this question. So maybe we should assign blame on person asking it? That is if they don't really want the honest answer.

That's good way to put it. A more obvious trap question would be "have you stopped beating your wife?"

It could be a neurotypical Dutch being themselves. Societal norms vary from culture to culture, even within what we call the western world.

also a Dane I think, frankly it seemed polite.

American here. I can recognize that it's considered rude here to admit someone is overweight, even if they ask.

So I would never answer this question to someone who didn't love me. And even then, they get offended, even though they ask.

Instead, my answer is, "Nope, not gonna answer that." And then they get mad anyhow.

So the comment above about the "trap" is correct. That person started the rudeness, but they won't take the heat for it.

Also Scandinavian and I agree with you. Also Americans lying about these things are often seen as being fake and thus rude.

As a southern European, I concur that US-ian fake politeness is quite disturbing.

As a southern American, I'd chalk a lot of it up to our multiculturalism. There are different parts within the US, where you'd get different answers to that question, almost always!

But I'd say suggestion and (to use the southern term) social grace is one of the most nuanced and culture-heavy forms of communication. In that it assumes a lot of shared culture between you and the other party.

As least down here, with > stranger, < intimate partner, you'd get a "No" in all cases, but the words attached to the no would also differ almost 100% of the time in the "No, but..." case.

And I imagine most of those cues completely disappear cross-culturally.

> most of those cues completely disappear cross-culturally.

If they simply disappeared, it would be alright. The problem is when they have the exact opposite meaning.

One example is US-ian unnaturally white teeth, that supposedly look OK there, but are somewhat creepy in the rest of the world. I mean, human teeth are not supposed to be white, but a range of very light ivory tones.

> The problem is when they have the exact opposite meaning

Granted! But also when they have no meaning, or are just... odd (e.g. "That's weird, how do they want me to respond to that reply they just made?")

White teeth are totally creepy here too. If you ask any US dentist, they'll tell you to match eye white (varies from individual to individual) to look natural.

But, then, there's a few "beautiful people" states where norms are so out of whack they don't realize how weird it is.

I'm Swiss (from a French-speaking canton), that seems polite to me too.

Could you please leave us out of this?