That sounds sad.
I have found (the easy way and the hard way) that God is just and merciful, and expects us to be kind & honest, and trust the final judgement to Him.
I'm under the strong impression that our local and general leaders, or maybe about everyone else too, are aware of the things you talk about, that there is less deception than some might think, and really, the goal is to help, not condemn. Many things are structured with that help being available, if someone wants it. Even the online resources anyone can find, are extensive, and my own site links to many. Someone said, if you can't smell cigarette smoke at church meetings, we aren't doing our job. Some I know are open about their struggles (and/or opinions), and we can and should love them for the good that is in them.
Being wrongly judgemental or harsh is a sin too, I suppose a common one, and we are to love the sinner and help them if we can (and they want).
Seems like none of the wards of which I've been a member have been doing their jobs, then.
> I'm under the strong impression that our local and general leaders, or maybe about everyone else too, are aware of the things you talk about, that there is less deception than some might think, and really, the goal is to help, not condemn.
That's nice. It's the precise opposite of what most ex-Mormons seem to have experienced, however. It's certainly the precise opposite of what various homosexual and transgender members have experienced, being pressured to suppress fundamental aspects of who they are for the sake of conformity, in turn driving quite a few to suicide.
We indeed can and should love all of our fellow God's children for the good that is in them. That does, however, entail accepting God's creations as they are, rather than insisting that they conform to some arbitrary standards set by scripture written and interpreted by the hands of those very same imperfect creations. To "help" someone deny one's own identity to oneself and to God is just as egregious of a sin as any other sort of harm one could inflict on another. If you do agree with that notion - that accepting who you are ain't a sin, and that coercing others to reject who they are is a sin - then you're in the wrong church, friend; I have a feeling you'll be following in my footsteps sooner rather than later.
But that's a bit beside the topic, the point of which being that relatively few wards operate in the way you describe - and that the way said wards do operate makes Mormonism a potential avenue for exploitation.
What we all really are (children of God) is an important question, as is what He thinks about us as individuals. I don't think I can put it better than this (and many related resources for anyone who wants):
https://duckduckgo.com/?q=family+proclamation+site%3Achurcho...
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/search?lang=eng&query=ga...
It is also an important question whether the apostles really unitedly speak for God, and if the scriptures are true, if the Book of Mormon is what it says it is. I have determined, for myself, that the answer is (gratefully) yes, and written much more about that elsewhere. I also believe that anyone who wants can determine that for themselves, also; and we all will decide for ourselves.
It is great to live where we can speak our views clearly, regardless of whether they all agree, or which side of a question we favor.
I suppose if one loves anything more than truth, goodness, and the other things that lead to long-term joy (extending far beyond this mortality), rather than to regrets, that (which I see as a) misprioritization will always be an avenue for exploitation. Life is, in part, a chance to gain experience and learn, and make choices, in many situations, some very hard. Temptation and a imperfect world and the need we all have, to school, train, and bridle our own thoughts, desires, and habits, toward good things, provide many of those hard situations.
There are numerous former Mormons who have had the precise opposite experience. Doesn't take much time on, say, the "exmormon" subreddit to see the vast array of accounts of families ceasing communication. Yes, not all families will cut out their apostate members (some, like mine, have been approximately accepting of it - though to most of my Mormon family and friends I'm still pretty ambiguous around my apostasy, lol), but it's still a risk, and that risk can be leverage. Our faith - at least as portrayed by the Church - is one of conformity, and of social pressure to ensure that conformity.
> And God will be the judge, not rumors or such, so what He thinks is vastly more important to me than what "people" think (though I should try not to make false impressions on "people", too).
Sure, and that's fine and dandy until those rumors make it to your bishop and he takes you as dishonest during your next interview.
And this assumes that the evidence is indeed fabricated. Give me a room full of Mormons and I'll give you a room full of closeted smokers, alcoholics, porn watchers, sexual "deviants", and - worst of all! - coffee drinkers. These people are "closeted" for good reason; if your argument around confession and forgiveness held water, they would have already confessed these things, and accordingly wouldn't be very "closeted" anymore, now would they?
Humans are, well, human. Even ones that sincerely believe there to be a paradisical afterlife (and/or decreasingly-paradisical afterlives, as the case may be) waiting for them.