i've skipped a lot of "optional" work events and i'm sure it has been a negative for my career.

there was one former boss who i felt was always a bit cold and standoffish (but always professional) with me and i could never quite put my finger on why until i did show up at one of the weekly happy hours i almost never went to and realized that he loved them and spent the whole time laughing and smiling and chatting with everyone.

since i was rarely at those and especially missed most of them my first 6 months on the job (when i had some ongoing family issues that required my non-work time and focus), i suspect he took that as a bit of antisocial behavior on my part and prevented him from really trusting me

> i've skipped a lot of "optional" work events and i'm sure it has been a negative for my career.

In the Navy, we'd say "Your presence is not required, but your absence will be noted."

I had a manager deny me the promotion that he otherwise agreed I deserved because I didn't participate in enough happy hours.

I was like ok what ever, then I read that they where "weekly". That is a lot of events. I was thinking like quarterly at the most.

100%. I was required to go to a company holiday party at a former work place and I only found out that it was not really an optional event after I'd already booked tickets for a movie with a Q&A with the director...