The difference from being obese to being fit has been night and day for me.

Self confidence plays a role so it's a sort of self fulfilling prophecy, but there's no question others treat you differently.

Like walking into a bank wearing a suit and a good haircut vs ragged jeans and long hair. It’s also a big weakness of humans that they dole out trust this way, but it makes all the sense in the world that we do so.

I think one of the most remarkable demonstrations of this I know of is a study I remember seeing referenced somewhere (maybe "Influence" by Cialdini) that showed that people are more likely to cross a road on a red light if someone in a suit crosses it first.

Can you please elaborate a bit? What differences did you notice?

Having been through this myself, my own experience:

Going from being ignored in nightclubs, and have people tap my shoulder if they needed to get past, to having people instead slide their hands over my pecs or stomach or pat them to get past (both men and women suddenly started doing that), getting my butt pinched half a dozen times a night, and having half a bunch of random strangers who also lifted weights want to high five me for no reason.

I'd never had women pick me up in nightclub before, as opposed to having to be the one to approach. Afterwards I did. I had random women want to make out with me within minutes of meeting on many occasions. Of course not all of that is necessarily down to the change in my appearance - it's very possible some of it was also down to my increased self confidence, but either way the difference was massive.

Looks and confidence are of course by no means the only things, but it's a multiplier, and you can up that multiplier significantly by lifting weights.

I was pretty attractive in high school. The most startling example of this I ever experienced was sitting at a table playing yugioh with only traditionally "nerdy" looking guys, and a girl came by and said "do you know how unattractive playing that game is?" and then she looked at me and said "except you, it's cute when you do it". It truly is a completely night and day experience in how you're treated, negative things about you become cute and quirky and you can do no wrong in many people's eyes.

When he was obese, people were like, ugh a fat slug who needs to stop eating 2000 calories a sitting. plus his nose is kinda crooked. When he got fit, all the sudden he started looking a pretty sexy guy who's got it together. that slightly crooked nose? now a cute quirk that makes his face more unique and charming.

I'd say you probably don't even need to be attractive physically in terms of having a pretty face. If you've got a charming personality and you are reasonably in shape, you'll get plenty of attention. You're signaling that you have value and people act accordingly.

> you'll get plenty of attention

But qualitatively different attention IMHO.

Great looking guy with zero personality: shallow attention e.g. one-night stands or pure accessory.

Ugly guy with great personality: veer towards long-term relationships or maybe friend-zoning.

Disagree. If you think that is true of you, then maybe you don't have as great a personality as you think you do. Women love funny, confident guys.

Ha ha!

Actually I was talking about what I have seen in friends and acquaintances, although I have seen exceptions too.

Might depend upon country too...

This is a lot more incel-y than I am accustomed to seeing on HackerNews.

I see a lot of incel-y talk on HN. Some of it seems predicated on Silicon Valley as a gold rush town, with men outnumbering women ten to one and the women taking that in a mercenary opportunity. Almost any discussion of dating will turn up a lot of such views.

A long way off-topic, but any talk of incel is likely to be taken as an insult (although some use it in a positive way). The word definitely doesn’t apply to me! Personally, I have never even heard the word used within my own social circles (some of which are geeky).

The hn crowd seems to be particularly international to me - making assumptions based on SV seems wierd. I am in New Zealand with a normal ratio of genders, and plenty of social situations to meet women since we have no lockdown, however I have heard that NZ has far too many sheep.

On topic: I am acquainted with one world-competing female body-builder. She comes across as extremely competent at the other parts of her life (good artist, good at running her own business).