> can you explain that?
I think you touched upon it in your last paragraph acknowledging being white and kiwi.
It is such an overwhelming force of human friendliness and welcomeness, that you assume it must be genuine human connection.
Except try being gay, black, or an atheist, and see how quickly all that turns...
As far as the rest of your points, I think you're exaggerating a bit. Most people (at least in north america) don't mind being micro-friendly as part of a service job. Sure, yes, it's "required", but the ratio of monstrous leering arseholes is not high, and while it's tiring to be friendly by the end of a long workday at a grocery store, people don't feel it to be a fundamentally dehumanizing act.
I think the bigger problem with tipping is situations where it allows employers to pay less than minimum wage - that is abhorent. Getting a tip shouldn't be a requirement to get to a living wage. But as an incentive to being a little more engaged with your job? I think it's good.
> Edit: in my experience Canadians and New Zealanders have similar outlooks.
We are alike in many ways. We both live in the shadow of a larger, brasher arrogant power who dismisses us, and people on the other side of the world lump us in together with them.
But no, when it comes to restaurants, service culture, tipping, and micro-friendliness in public Canadians are much closer to Americans than to New Zealanders.
Some of them hate asking you too. Sometimes it's a policy forced on them by management, and they are to be fined if they skipped a customer. Overheard this in the bus, a cashier was complaining to her friend. There were cameras installed at every register specifically for that.
To be honest, the cashiers and waitresses I've talked to in the US delivered a pretty good act, totally believable. When the big chain stores in my country decided to copy the US, the lack of acting skills in our culture was very noticeable.
Uggghhhh, I loath being asked that. Firstly, the staff are forced to say it as part of their job and they are checked. It’s inhuman to make someone do that. Also it fucks with my head - now I feel forced to do some interaction to lessen the evil of their work day (it is always shitty jobs) and I find it draining by sympathy. It breaks the humanness of just being polite and thankful to anyone you interact with that is working hard (even if they are tired, emotionally drained, or don’t want to be there).
> especially if it's only reserved for the local in-group, see: southern "hospitality"
Can you explain that?
> tipping, I can't help but think that it does create some positive incentives in staff here.
Tipping is outright disgusting: paying people to be nice just creates inhuman fakeness. The image of some fat leering arsehole, or ugly souled woman, getting their ego stroked by a young wage slave is abhorrent. The worst I ever saw was young American tourists on the coast of Mexico (a small town called San Francisco I think) - the way the tourists treated the staff was wretchedly vile (maybe due to the staff being mostly poor and Mexican?)
Edit: that sounded a bit US bashing, so I will add that I have met many wonderful, kind, interesting and friendly Americans. I have even been treated to Southern Hospitality and it seemed genuine enough to me (even though me and my partner essentially just gate-crashed their party on short notice!). Being white and kiwi might help my impressions though...?!
Edit: in my experience Canadians and New Zealanders have similar outlooks.