The key is practically selfless. For eg. You are buying food from restaurant - you see a homeless person standing there with a board asking for food. But you have money only to buy one sandwich. What do you do?

1. Say "no", because you too are hungry

2. Share half of the sandwich?

3. Giving whole sandwich & walk away as a saint?

(3) is super kindness, but that needs different level of thinking & practice. Kindness we are talking here is (2).

Your "no" point comes for the remaining half in (2).