It can take many forms.

Folks each have their own "schtick," but it's what they are after that matters.

1) Money

2) Property

They want me to give them money or goods.

3) Prestige

They want me to feed a need for prestige. This can be as simple as agreeing with them in public, an endorsement or referral, or a requirement for some kind of submissive fawning.

I started to write up a detailed description of how this can happen, but realized that this is probably not the best venue for that. Suffice it to say that I have spent my entire adult life amongst some very aggressive and manipulative people, and keeping a good relationship with them, while gently enforcing personal boundaries, has always been a challenge.

For me, I have a personal ethical code that revolves around rigorous personal and "cash register" Honesty, as well as Integrity.

I have a book I'd like to recommend, that has helped me, in growing up around aggressive and manipulative people, learn to both identify these behaviors in others as well as learn tools for calmly and clearly enforcing personal boundaries, even in the face of the other side throwing temper tantrums or bullying. Can send it to your contact info, if it's something that'd interest you.

I'd like to read it. Is there any way for you to post the book information anonymously?

I couldn't think of one so instead I'll just go with obfuscation. (it's ISBN 1432763962)

I am interested too, why is the title of a book so secretive?

It's really just I didn't want to pull things into a discussion about someone's personal life.

> I have spent my entire adult life amongst some very aggressive and manipulative people, and keeping a good relationship with them, while gently enforcing personal boundaries, has always been a challenge.

Okay, I’ll bite, why would you keep people like this around you? It sounds unpleasant.

In my life, this was an aggressive employee we hired who was not performing but also passive-aggressive to everyone, and at the beginning we were obligated to give them the benefit of the doubt (due to their explanations that they're struggling with the pandemic, civil unrest, family emergency, elections).

Then even after gathering evidence of their poor performing, they will just keep arguing their case, and would protest to everyone who will listen, and pit people against each other. They will claim they never knew those things were their responsibilities, that they were working hard on it, and that they were just about to address the performance issues, etc.

I’ve spent most of my life as a member of an extracurricular organization that has “helping others” as a Principal plank in its platform.

Most folks that need help aren’t “pinkie-extended Earl Grey drinkers.” Can be a rough lot.

But I have an amazing bevy of really deep friendships and relationships with folks that I would never had met, otherwise.

Totally worth it.

You don't always get a choice.