We have laws against that, but not much well enforced. Most of domestic violence happen in private without witness. Even if aggressor is removed temporary, they live together so it is easy to retaliate after. Plus, it is shameful to be victim of domestic abuse. So, reports are few and come in too late and it is hard to prove they are true.

Plus, the enforcement is hard. And even harder since domestic violence rates among cops are higher then those of general population.

> I’m saying the expectation going into a marriage should be that one partner is dominant so there are no power struggles much like a hierarchy in a company.

Aaaand this is literally what leads to abuse. See, the perfect compliance is not possible nor actually human. The one dominator is bound to do dumb or egoistic decisions here and there. Or decisions that ignore needs of partner due to ignorance. With partner being submissive and not providing feedback, dominating person is bound to become worst and worst.

Plus, actual humans have real need for own agency. And when that agency manifests, again, the one who feels entitled to rule it all becomes abusive.

Well anecdotally the only good marriages I’ve seen adhere to the above. The partner provides feedback but have no say in the final decision. In a marriage one person needs to be submissive. I’ve been married for more than a decade and we’ve never been happier. Individual agency is only important if you don’t have a community based aspect to your life that respects you explicitly for the larger good your submissive role plays for a better outcome from a community perspective. People need respect, individual agency is just a route to accomplishing that.

You are happy and that is all that matters? Yeah, exactly the issue with that setup. It is you first, then some nonsense about why other has to sacrifice for community.

I said we are happy. Both my wife and I.