Using Siri is like working in boxing gloves that randomly smash you in the face. It's trained me to avoid it at all costs.

I use Google Assistant for the only thing it's good for: setting a timer. Even then, for some reason, half the time I say "ten minute timer", it hears only "ten minutes" and for some reason thinks I want it to search youtube for a video of a ten minute countdown. I mean, that's completely insane.

Dear Google developers: if you decide to randomly delete a somewhat irrelevant word from a search query and you're left with "ten minute", it's far more likely that a person wants a ten minute timer than that they want to search your database of videos for ten minutes. Also, why do you search youtube instead of the web? Are you doing this specifically to irritate the hell out of me?

Yep, setting times is easily 95% of my requests to Alexa. The other 5% is either asking about the weather, or joke questions like: "how many fathoms is it to proxima centauri"