I agree with your analysis. It's better to not think of such behavior as a result of a real illness of the mind, but a metaphorical illness of the heart. There's a certain sickness element to it, as well as an element of social contagion, so I understand the words used, but disagree with how they were used.

Yes, exactly. There's a fantastically good book about domestic abuse, "Why Does He Do That?" In it, he takes great pains to make clear that abusers are not abusers because they're mentally ill. They do it because they get something out of it. Exactly what varies from person to person, of course. It's the same with a lot of anti-social behavior.

I think there’s no disjoint between being “normal/typical/healthy” and “mental/ill/bad” but our perception/modeling/worldview requires Boolean distinction(and preferably not ternary in which case a cascaded Boolean substitutes it)

Neuroticism is an ordinary and healthy part of human expression, although high neuroticism is generally associated with poor life outcomes.