I've improved myself hard for 10 years and feel lonely now – what should I do?
When i compare myself to what i was 10 year ago, i am pretty much ashamed of how much i was behind. And i wish that everyone could have such an improvement. If i could choose between 10 million dollars but being how i was 10 years ago and staying how i am today, i would always choose the version of today without a thought.
The problem that i have now, is that i get annoyed by all the inefficiencies others have. And when i try to help someone to get more efficient, i always see that they are too lazy to sacrifice a little of their comfort zone. Even my wife is lazy. She witnesses day by day how easily i go through life and how little issues i have. But she is not willing to improve or change herself much. I guess they are satisfied with their plateau. Most of my friends are nice and funny, but i can not have much interesting discussions with them. Event with the ones that hold PhD's.
Does anyone has a similar experience? And what did you do to not have the feeling that meeting friends or going to a party is a waste of time?
For me at least, the impact of truly having a great time at something all by myself at least once a week makes me a far more intersting person. Also worthy of mention, going to parties is a total waste of time - and thats the point. Unstructured social time with a drink in the hand etc. Tell a few stories, have a few laughs and take a little play time.
I also though that spending time with people that do not bring direct value is not very efficient, but now I would say that best relationships are with people that are independent and do not want to get some value from you and are honest/happy where they are now.
Make a choice to be happy no matter if friends don't meet your expectations.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0kQTk6FJgs
The question is, aren't there already enough blogs and services out there that help you to improve yourself?
All i can add is that it works and it is true that when you constantly work on yourself, you have a much easier life. 95% of the people i talk to only change themselves when there is no other way around it. Unless someone can bring up the intrinsic motivation to change him-/herself, it is hard to convince them. Probably an important reason is also, most people do not want to see the truth. This would mean they constantly observe their mistakes and realize that they are not as good as they thought.
In short, your brain is a muscle. If you train it every day, it gets better and better. Like doing push ups every day. First it is hard, but it gets easier and you can do more and more.
After a while you are able to absorb and process much more details. For example when you talk to another person you not only hear the words, you also start to notice the facial expressions and how the voice changes. Also your brain automatically processes more and more if you do not distract it.
The way i see it is, we are a bag of experiences. The more experiences we make, the more we can link and adapt. Therefore, reading lots of books certainly helps much. Because you get lots of new ideas that you can try out and experiment with.
The key is to question everything. I not only read it but also experiment with the new knowledge and see for myself what works best.
To avoid annoying you too much, I will now use a spell checker, since English is not my mother tongue. But enough about me.
It looks like you are going through a rough time right now. Do you want to talk about it?