I've read (and watched) everything on your list of recommendations. Perhaps I should reread Deutch's chapter on optimism, but I don't have the same conviction that you do. Where does your conviction come from?

Conviction comes from seeing the state of things not being right and seeing a vision of what the state of things being right looks like.

If you don't have conviction, you probably don't have a vision of the state of things being right. That's why most of the world doesn't have conviction - either they lack vision on how the world should be, or their vision of how the world should be lacks the element of being visionary.

I would ascribe 3 things for you to consider:

1) You sound similar to someone who got cheated on and can't date again. You probably need some help handling emotions like betrayal.

2) Betrayal is really difficult to get over and (sorry to say) but you may never really get back to normal. This is the inner psychologist talking, sometimes wounds leave scars that don't fade.

3) If you can't survive an environment with politics and betrayal (which is good, it means you have a simple and pure heart), you will have to live with the fact that your mission is probably not found in the business world.

4) There are many missions out there. Find the one that resonates with your personal values. OR, surround yourself with people that resonate with your values, and take on their mission.

I don't think it's good to go back to what killed your inner child. That reminds me of being in an abusive relationship.