No, I’m sorry that your situation is the way it is, but the dysfunctional mindset here is the one that thinks that making friends is not normal. If you really think the way that your post describes, you should find a new job ASAP because it is absolutely not healthy to view such a large portion of your life that way.

Being laid off has nothing to do with friendship. As your post even says, you should separate personal from business. I know several people who were separated from places of work and still maintain strong bonds with their now-former coworkers. I personally left my company of 5 years on not-so-great terms and yet several of the people in my wedding party are coworkers from that job. Work is a great place to begin friendships, and just because you no longer work at the same company does not mean your friendship has to end. And that’s the way it should be.

Well, I don't think we disagree. I know that friendships can start at work and I'm okay with that. I was mostly saying that it shouldn't be the norm because mixing work and personal life can lead to pretty nasty problems.

I too have a few pleasant acquaintances that are former co-workers, by the way.

Your original comment states that it is “dysfunctional to have friends at work”. We absolutely disagree.

Seems like we do then. In my eyes it's something that shouldn't be encouraged but also shouldn't be resisted if it happens naturally.

I've observed a lot of Stockholm syndrome in people in offices and that made me believe many are forcing relationships at work so at to make their workplace more tolerable. I could be wrong though.

Yeah... it's called being polite and sociable

Let's not conflate being professional (which includes being polite) with actually making friends in the office. Very different things.

Right, that's why I included being 'sociable' as well!

Ah well, at this point I believe I made the wrong impression. I am actually quite an ongoing guy and easily bond with people.

HOWEVER, when in a work setting I prefer to grab the problem at hand by the horns and start wrestling it. I like small talk -- maybe even too much! -- and that's exactly why I gradually learned to deflect most such attempts by colleagues so as not to be in an awkward position later after I have bonded with 10+ people but got zero work done. :D

You know?

No, I don't know. I don't have trouble navigating being personable to my coworkers and getting work done. In fact, it's kind of hard to imagine how being personable gets in the way of productivity, when I'd imagine the opposite to be true - that is to say a lack of personableness amongst co-workers in an office would lead to inefficiencies. I'm not sure how being personable, to you, means bonding to the extent that nothing got done.

I've seen being too personable get in the way of productivity.

- The employee who spends the day having extra long visits around the office.

- The employee who joins every social event team possible so much they are never doing their core role

- The helpful senior dev who spends all day teaching a junior only to avoid the bug queue and push their work to other seniors

- The company meeting where everyone listens as Sally is given an above and beyond reward for their work on a project everyone else did but Sally. Sally is very personable with the CEO

Let's just get our work done.

Sigh, not one joke gets past you.

Thanks for the discussion.

> Plus, I've had several people -- all the way to the CEO -- assure me how much I am appreciated and even looked at as a superhuman, yet 2 months later boom, we have to lay you off.

It most likely wasn't their choice. You can't really have that affect your friendships.